2018: The Weed Monster Must Go!

After being sober for most of New Years Eve, I took like 5 pulls of a blunt before I went to church.

(I go to church to support my wife. Not really keen on the religion scene but everyone has the right to believe in what they want)

It was SOOO gratifying to just feel myself slowly being released from the WEED MONSTER. I heard Lil Scrappy mention the weed monster some years ago on an episode of Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. He went to rehab to get a better grasp on his habit. It was hard to understand at first in my younger 20’s until I felt myself get hooked by it. There were so many mornings I woke up and couldn’t function without getting my wake and bake on.

It was FUN AS FUCK!

IT WAS A FUCKING ROLLER COASTER RIDE!

As I get older and wiser, I see how much I was consuming!

I notice how it could be a problem…

Along with any activities I did like going to school, beating off, (tmi I know lmao) hanging out with friends or even going to bed at night I had to smoke a blunt or 2.

I spent most of my 20’s with my Head in the Clouds….

I know to some that is horrible, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I learned so much. I was able to open and explore my mind beyond imagination.

As I get older though, I’m noticing my body ALOT more and how I function. I feel so foggy in the head when I wake up until I smoke. That’s NOT going to be my default feeling in the morning anymore. I am going to release myself from this demon and void in my heart.

I am going to smoke today but it will be on my terms. I smoke the weed not the other way around!

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Starting in 2006, I used weed to fill a gaping hole in my heart. It grew exponentially into this massive black hole that has left me with such anger along with strong emotions inside me.

This blog will help me forgive myself so I can become the great man I will grow into with my 30’s over the horizon. I am not afraid of old age but I embrace it. I do not miss being a young teenager with low self esteem trying to find myself. It was fun being young with the perfect immune system and strong bones that heal in a couple months though. I do miss that as my bones now ache on the daily like an old person. I wouldn’t change it for the world because it means life is still in my body.

*If you’re looking for transition related material click here.

*If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

Smile Everyday!

I’m learning no matter what to be authentic and be 100% ME!
I realized that it has been a while since I spoke on my transition so here is an update:

  • I made 6 years 3 months on testosterone this month
  • I’ve actually grown some hair on my face! Most of it is on my chin and I have a visible mustache (WINNING!)
  • I take myself more seriously…as a man
  • I’m ridding myself of the extra emotional ways of the past. There’s no need to be so serious all the time…

    *If you’re looking for transition related material click here.

    *If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

     Ughh!!! What A Drag! 

    I was reading some of my old blogs….

              THEY WERE BORING!

    I SEE WHY no one would want to read those long ass passages. I’m also seeing why I was left out of a lot of shit coming up. 

    I tried so hard to not be an overbearing asshole like my parents….

    I forgot who I was and what I needed out of life. A little mixture of nice and asshole has led me to become a nasshole.

    Yea I know its a bit corny but let me explain…

    A little bit of both in life can save you time, money and heartbreak from all types of relationships. You will happily avoid all assholes, manipulators, and energy vampires.

    I have definitely learned my lesson to laugh at evil and keep it moving. NOTHING is worth the millions of dollars I’ll make in the future.

    *If you’re looking for transition related material click here.

    *If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

    When Demons Attract…

    It’s dark down there…
    Be careful or you might fall in with me…

    My demon has had time to manifest so much energy in my life. I know for a fact he’s been fucking these girls I’ve been with…
    He has a need that can’t be fulfilled easily…

    Internal pain is what I have shared with others in my short life. It felt oh so good to feed from that energy…into that nectar…so intoxicating…endless.

    It’s good to be bad.

    Until it overflows onto life…not just in the bed where the juices were spilled and sucked up. 

    That pussy was oh so good…

    Hitting raw…

    Cumming inside…

    Feeding on all that sexual energy…

    I will feel it again…

    *If you’re looking for transition related material click here.

    *If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.


     My Letter to Love Lost

    Dear Love Lost,

    Soul searching led me to write this to you. I have realized being the knight in shining armor was ABSOLUTE WRONG approach to keeping you. 

    I never learned from REAL MEN what exactly a MAN is. I learned out in the streets just as my male friends did…and from tv. 

    On a downward spiral this led me…to you. Now I can only blame myself for how I acted. I was not the best example of a person because I got sucked in. Just as deep as the void in my heart I had before we became 1…its left even emptier moreso now that you’re gone.

    I won’t be losing anymore love. My heart is shut to it…

    Vulnerability gets no respect…

    You put yourself out there to get hurt when being to nice.

    Life is a bitch but she won’t be to me anymore. Pain has made me darker. I don’t need anyone. I need more money. I won’t be going hard or showing anymore love to anyone.

    *If you’re looking for transition related material click here.

    *If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

    Reignited Passion

    Real estate professionals make a fuck load of money!

    I love this field so much!

     It’s that thing that ignites my fire. 

    I plan to use my passion to succeed in life. By the time I’m done building myself up, no one will recognize me. 100 percent work will be going into building ME up to success and financial freedom. Money is a tool they say…I say IT’S EVERYTHING. You get what you want with it. Money talks….IT’S TIME TO GET IT! 

    So many things will change.I’ll control my raging anger with a quick getaway or trip to the bank to make investments. 

    In terms of my transition, my bottom surgery will be done by the best. Only the best for me and my future Jimmy so…

    I need to get this money…

    $100,000 is what I need minimum to pay all cash for the surgery. Definitely going to figure this out. Along with the rest of life, it will get better with time just not to give a fuck.

    *If you’re looking for transition related material click here.

    *If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

    OMG! He’s Blogging Again

     

    I’m done writing long drawn out blogs feeling sorry for myself because people don’t give a fuck.

    FOR REAL THEY DON’T!

    No one really gives a fuck till it affects them personally. It’s ok though. It’s only human nature to be selfish in order to survive and thrive. I just had to learn this myself.

    Pain has encouraged my writing as of late. Keeping it raw and unedited gives me a chance to release all the negative energy on my heart.

    I don’t want any baggage that can hold me back anymore. Being completely authentic and laughing in the face of adversity will be my goals from now on. Life is to short to be serious all the time. I use to think I needed approval to make decisions in my life. I also looked to others for my happiness, which was terrible in my book. 

    Everything that’s come in my path I appreciate. I wouldn’t be me without them. I feel like life has given me a wake up call with the end of my relationship. I am not where I am supposed to be because of my actions and laziness. I met the woman who I feel regardless of her flaws is the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I just wasn’t ready for her. Being overly emotional and not holding myself accountable for my mistakes has led me here.

    I flunked out of college the first time by my own wrongdoing. I lost my focus after my father passed away. It was hard for me to find the right path after he was called home.

     I was always told to do things and NEVER had to think for myself. This influences my thinking to this day. I am working on changing this to live the life that was meant for me. I’m working on saying “no” more and keeping myself happy.

    *If you’re looking for transition related material click here.

    *If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.