I have never been average. I plan to get this uniform I am in search of. I know it fits me just the way I would like it to. It was worth the fatigue and starvation that I felt today waiting for the process to end. 3 am for some reason I awakened to feel insomnia. But nonetheless I went to my medical appointment for a career that will take care of me. I appreciate the doctor I saw today even though I had to wait like 4 hours to see him. It was so unorganized at this place. There were only 2 doctors who were going to see about 50 people in a span of six hours. I didn’t believe the paper instructions when it specified I could be there for up to six hours. You know what they say when you assume things.
I ate breakfast around 5 am and ventured out when I was finished eating into the night of early morning. It was a series of test we had to take. First was the blood pressure and weight. Now I put on a couple pounds so I wasn’t sure I would be cleared but I had no worries as I didn’t get red flagged in that area. I went next to the breathing test which they say I didn’t do so well on considering my cold but I was moved forward. The hearing was in the same room as the vision and it was pretty straightforward. I messed up one time on that test along with the eye exam in which I have 20 vision. Now here comes the scary part. I saw that they took groups of 5 into an office to see one doctor. On the other hand I saw the female doctor have a more personal feel to her screenings where she saw one person at a time. I was hoping that she called my name next. I was terrified to be told to strip down to my underwear in front of other guys but nonetheless I got called in with the group of 5. Go figure! I took my clothes off to have a picture of my tattoo taken. This is when my heart started pumping. All sorts of things went through my head. What are they going to think when they see my scars? Is anyone going be able to out me? I thought about those last questions because of all of the information about transgender individuals going public. Some years ago when I started my transistion it was covert ops to me. Anyone who was on the outside of the community would not be having a conversation about the issues of transgender individuals. This scares me to an extent but I know it has to be done for changes in the world to occur. Anyway the medical assistant called me first to go to see the doctor in my boxers on the other side of the curtain. Everything was normal until he went to the page with the questions of male and female body parts. I was obliged to tell the truth or I could be disqualified from service if they found out otherwise in my background check. I made sure to note my surgeries of mastectomy and hysterectomy in the screening. I saw his face stare at the question about the hysterectomy but he didn’t seem to react crazy. He just stared at the paper for like 20 seconds until I spoke up. I said “yea it’s not a mistake”. He looked up and made sure to talk in a lower voice so the other guys in the room couldn’t hear all of my business. He asked me about my prior procedures and future plans and I really appreciated him. I have some medical issues not transition related at the moment so the doctor allowed me to put the process on hold so I can get my body back where I would need it in order to serve. I am BOLD ENOUGH to try.
I thank myself and the people around me that have helped me to complete steps to being physically male. I feel this experience would have been a disaster if I did not have my top surgery which you can read about here. Life has a way of making things happen for you. I was so scared that I would have to choose between a full time career and finishing my education because I am not finished yet with my Bachelor’s Degree. I have been in and out of college for years and I really want to finish this time. I have started to bust my ass in academics after slacking for a little bit in the beginning of this semester . Summer left me with a bit of jet lag so to speak and I was feeling lazy. I had to kick it into high gear though and study for the exams so I can get out after the Spring semester next year. It’s bad enough that I have to take a year and a half more of full time education to finish my legal studies degree. I am hoping that this is all worth the time and money that I am investing into the degree. I guess when I put it like that any money that I spend learning is worth its weight in gold. I think about my love for real estate which I know will come to pass. I am also finding myself interested in wills, trusts and estates. This stuff is fun and enjoyable to me. Law practice seems like it could be in my future but we shall see. I want to be a great role model for other black American males to follow. I want to empower my race. I am black and I am proud to be who I am.
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