So Much Change

As of right now I am single again.

My ex fiance broke up with me in December. Before that me and her had been relatively on and off for months last year. We were together since November 2015.

It was like a whirlwind romance. 

Everything happened so fast. We went from dating to engaged all within the first year. I essentially jumped off a cliff asking her to marry me the way that I did. Risk should be my middle name as I dive off of cliffs without fear hoping for water that doesn’t cut me up at the bottom. In hindsight, I can see that now.

In my head, I was like this is who I am going to be with. It made me comfortable. The way that I grew up with my dad having HIV which eventually turned to AIDS kept me content with just sexing one person at a time. This is what I’m accustomed too.

Not only do I not have the urge to fuck random women, that shit terrifies me. There are so many sexually transmitted diseases, and infections out here.

One of my worse fears is to end up like my father in the way that he died. He was 53 and had a stroke in the middle of the night. His body was so weak from years of fighting the disease. I saw a picture of him a few years ago from around the time that he passed. He looked so different than I remember him.

It was so traumatizing to see. His face was basically caved in and he looked very sick. He died when I was a teenager. I guess I blocked out those images in my mind.

I love everything else about him. He was a great father to me and was always present with so much love. I got whatever I wanted.

Anyway back to the me venting about a marriage that will never happen…

We probably should’ve broken up a long time ago but I will say at least on my end I was comfortable in love with her.

I always thought that love would keep shit together like it had done my grandparents.

They physically fought and it was okay right?

Their marraige ended up lasting 50 something odd years even with apparent moments of domestic violence.

Growing up hearing this I feel I internalized what they had went through as “okay” when in fact it was very toxic at least in that area. My parents had become close to getting physical numerous times as well and they did not have a happy loving marriage.

Just dealing with all this stuff alone has made me want to build a stable healthy foundation for the next generation if I have the choice one day to become a dad. I used to talk about having kids a lot. Now I dont know if I can trust anyone to get attached to like that.

My ex also sent me a positive pregnancy test in the last few days. That shit really has thrown me for a loop. This woman knows how I’ve felt about having kids with the right person one day and giving them the whole world. We explored all of these thoughts by going to the GYN, finding out her ovulation date, and talking about the future.

All that shit I’m writing seems like a dream that I know existed. So many fucking memories in my head. I have to let go of. Shit hurts so much because of how I love.

When I give myself to someone they get all of me and then some. I dont know if I’ll ever find someone like that out there.

As many friends as I have, and my mom just downstairs I feel like I exist alone in my own reality. No one can understand how I’m feeling. Most people are out here trying to live for themselves.

Will I find love again? I don’t know….

Will I be open to it when or if it shows up? I don’t know…

I don’t want to put my hands on a woman ever again though. I admit in my younger 20’s I hit one of my exes. We dated for 6 years before she left me for a “real man” she said. That’s another story.

I never felt so bad in my life about hitting her. My anger had gotten the best of me. She had made me so mad but that didn’t warrant my reaction.

I also got into many fights with the last person I was with. This time I was never the aggressor. I felt I had to defend myself against this woman. My parents raised me to not let anyone punk or put their hands on me.

However now as a 31 year old transgender male of color I know I can’t be out here doing that shit nor do I want too.

Peace is all I have ever asked for in my life.

I just want my heart to heal.

I vow to never put my hands on a woman again but to try to walk away as long as I’m not being attacked. I will defend myself if in a life or death situation but if it’s not that the plan is to leave with my head held up high.

The only time I want to touch a woman from now on is when I’m hot for her or fucking. I’ve had to stop being touchy feely like I was when I presented female. I felt people were more friendly and open to me being a bit physical as a female.

As a male not so much. I happen to be a person of color as well so I will not pretend to not know how the world looks at me on a scale.

As a black man I’m sure I’m seen as aggressive, uneducated, out of control, illiterate, unpolished and the list goes on. This post isn’t meant to be a huge rant about black men. Just speaking my mind.

In terms of my transition, things couldn’t be better. I’ve completed both top surgery in 2013 and had a hysterectomy in 2015. If you’re interested in reading about my top surgery enter here.

Bottom surgery is a currently postponed till further notice. I’m working as a part of a real estate investing team. The money that I plan to make with transactions through the team and real estate flips will pay for surgery. I’ve set this goal. I just need to get it in motion.

I think I’m done rambling.

*If you’re looking for transition related material click here.

*If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

Real Estate Property Tour

If you want to learn LIVE,
Our Real Estate Investing Group’s Fix & Flip happening next Saturday:
FINISHED PRODUCT!!|FIX & FLIP PROPERTY TOUR
Saturday, 2/2/19, we will have our East Orange, NJ Rehab Property Tour to show you acquisition, funding, exit strategy, and profit of this deal. (Get back to me for details on attending the FREE event)
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Cashflow 101

Saturday, February 2, 2019 @ 2:00pm. In our Flushing Queens office We Will Be Playing A Fun Game of Cashflow 101. (Learn to CHANGE Your Current Financial Situation!)
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Simply, call or text your full name and email to
929-398-5457, a real person will contact you.
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#investorswanted
#entrepreneur
#investing
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#wealthadvisor
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#wealthclub
#wealthcreators
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#wealthmindset

Wal-Mart of Weed

I always have so many different ideas of what I want to do in World of Business.

The future for me is to have a storefront that sells marijuana at wholesale/retail prices.

It will be JOYOUS to get up and go to work everyday!

Imagine going to YOUR OWN business everyday and doing something that you love and feel passionate about?

It wouldn’t even feel like work…

Amazing can’t even describe the feeling one must have to do that.

I just have to keep speaking my light into existance.

There are so many things I want to be able to provide to my family. Whether it be through weed, real estate and clothing, imma get this bread.

*If you’re looking for transition related material click here.

*If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

Reignited Passion

Real estate professionals make a fuck load of money!

I love this field so much!

 It’s that thing that ignites my fire. 

I plan to use my passion to succeed in life. By the time I’m done building myself up, no one will recognize me. 100 percent work will be going into building ME up to success and financial freedom. Money is a tool they say…I say IT’S EVERYTHING. You get what you want with it. Money talks….IT’S TIME TO GET IT! 

So many things will change.I’ll control my raging anger with a quick getaway or trip to the bank to make investments. 

In terms of my transition, my bottom surgery will be done by the best. Only the best for me and my future Jimmy so…

I need to get this money…

$100,000 is what I need minimum to pay all cash for the surgery. Definitely going to figure this out. Along with the rest of life, it will get better with time just not to give a fuck.

*If you’re looking for transition related material click here.

*If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

“Dont Save Her…She Don’t Wanna Be Saved”

I have come to the conclusion that you can’t force anyone in life to do something. They have to make the decision within themselves to take action. The only real control I have in my life are the choices I make. Sometimes my emotions can get the best of me and I get in my feelings. This is me. I am a highly emotional being who has an attitude. When my bullshit detector goes off, I tend to get out of character. What I need to learn is how to better control my emotions to make better decisions. While I know this, I just can’t figure out how to do it.

As I go towards my 30th birthday, my perspective on life is changing quite drastically. I don’t want drama in my life anymore. I like peace and quiet. An old soul I believe myself to be. I just want to lay up and enjoy people and their company while shooting the breeze. 

I was watching Lottery Ticket and I started imagining how it would feel to be free. I don’t think my road to riches will be all that simple though. My ride up the ladder will be through Real Estate. I know this is what I want to do. I’ve been looking into programs at various schools for after I graduate from undergrad. In time the pieces will come together.


*If you’re looking for transition related material click here.


*If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

Just Do It!

I wake up everyday yearning to be a real estate investor. I know I have found my love as this is something I will be able to do with so much excitement involved. Real estate to me is life. I am beginning a habit of reading at least 1 post about it everyday instead of wasting my time on Facebook. I speak on my prior Facebook Addiction here. The goal is to accumulate as many multifamily complexes as I can in the NY area. This will take time of course as I have big decisions to make. I  thought about leaving school for awhile so I can get full time employment. This will make it possible and much easier to secure a bank loan to start acquiring properties. I then thought again about how amazing the lawyer from Sullivan & Cromwell was to me when I was going through my name change process. I want to be able to return the favor and pay it forward to other transgender individuals who may be intimidated by the court system. I had no idea how I was going to navigate the process of changing my name. I know people who have done completely fine without one but I must say it was more convenient for him to do all the work while I just showed up to the court and saw the judge. The judge was a woman who gave me some more credibility with the attorney present. 

Another thing that peaked my interest today was the salary a lawyer can achieve by working at this top law firm. According to the “Above the Law” website, a starting associate will rake in the bucks up to $180,000. After about 9 years the increases of your salary will be up to around $345,000. I can look at some very nice houses with that salary to back me up. They do hire attorneys just for the corporate real estate that they help businesses or wealthy people to purchase. A good way to become a real estate investor I feel is to learn the laws behind it. This will be a great way to get some income on the side while I build up a healthy pension as an attorney. The average millionaire has 7 income streams so I’m building it up slowly.

I have always had an interest in the field. Somehow over the years I can recall going to those “training” events at hotels that they have to try to recruit trainees. I get it…the information doesn’t come free. For now I learn most of the information I know from reading on my own and one of my professors. She is a Real Estate attorney/entrepreneur. She has owned her own business and knows how to read the market. A former student of hers was able to buy property with a little advice from her to make the transaction go accordingly. The home was renovated and is now being rented out to tenants. Now I know it’s not as simple as it sounds or everyone would do it.  Tarek from the show “Flip or Flop” has a saying that classifies real estate in a nutshell. “Big Risks, Big Rewards”. I plan on putting the puzzle pieces together very soon to fulfill my destiny of achieving the true happiness of freedom. 

*If you’re looking for transition related material click here.

*If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

Bringing the Blog Up To Speed…

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I was on a roll with this blog before school got so intense. I’ve been spending my time living life instead of dwelling in the digital. Right now, I have been doing well in school. I find myself actually excelling in the “world of academia”. I was very skeptical when I started due to the money I’d have to put out. I decided to head on back to my old CUNY school to keep costs as low as possible. I don’t plan on letting student loan debt become something that cramps my lifestyle by only taking out as much as I need. Next semester when I qualify for more aid, I’m going to save the grants in a bank account so that when I finish my first degree, I can buy my first property. Spending money to increase your future net worth is more then worth it. This all started with life giving me an answer through my long time friend and brother on the phone. I haven’t seen him in years but I know he meant well when he told me to go back to school. I’m so happy and blessed that I listened. I must say it has given me my mojo back. My self-esteem and spirit have grown immensely in the last couple of months. I feel strong and I’m learning my worth. I refuse to settle for subpar relationships and quality of life. I had a female contact me today feeling some type of way after being deleted a while back. I’m not looking for any more random friends on my page nor am I looking to waste my time. We messaged back and forth maybe twice before I didn’t get a response for days. I don’t chase after women like they are objects so that didn’t phase me. I used to get my confidence from outside of my being and I see that was the problem in itself. I have to love myself to get the authentic passion that I deserve. Rejection or failure in those things have taught me lessons that I should’ve learned but I’m starting to get now. Being a man is more then just the physical aspects. It’s an all around lifestyle being able to provide and lead for myself and my family on a daily basis. I’m very traditional when it comes to gender roles so I need a wife whose not afraid to be submissive but has a backbone not to put up with my bs. She has to be willing to mother and nurture my children while I work at least until they are of pre-school age. Then I could feel more at ease with letting them into the watchful eyes of a stranger.

I passed both the court officer and BTO exams while in the process for applying for more city tests. I’m very tempted to take the NYPD exam when they start to offer it again. I was explaining to a friend that I feel like I’d be going against some sort of inner code by taking that oath. It’s internalized oppression affecting my thoughts even though I know better than that. It’s a great stable job with benefits that I could use as a stepping stone to get to the next level in my life. It will all just require patience and chess like decision-making on my part. I need be able to fit my bottom surgery into all of this as well. I know that I wont be content until I can wake up and feel physically completely whole. I work everyday until I can revel in that feeling.

I do have my hysto pre-surgical appointment coming up so this is a step forward for my transition. This is something I’m going to have to do to be able to have the bottom surgical procedure that I want. You can read all about that here. Life has been giving me so much positive energy I’m guessing to balance out the extreme lows I’ve felt and right now I am content. I haven’t reached the plateau just yet but I will keep trying until I make it.

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”– Thomas Edison

*If you are looking for transition related material click here.

*If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

Unwavering Focus

 ”You pile up enough tomorrows, and you’ll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays.”- Harold Hill

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I have been really buckling down and getting my school work done. I like going to school as I am around other people with hopes and dreams like myself. I’ve met some pretty intelligent people the last couple of weeks. I do have one complaint about the public education system. I was in my communications class which I’m taking to better myself and my public speaking abilities. The class was selected by me because I was told it will help with my business presentation. I want to able to talk to people and sell houses and products. I expressed my entrepreneurial goals with her to be told “that’s not appropriate for the class”. She was training us to work for someone else.That turned me off for awhile and I began to zone out. “Is this really what she wants us to do?” As I listened to her resume, I knew I was talking to the wrong person about business mentoring. I told her it could be her way now but when I leave that class I’m doing me. I really wanted to take an entrepreneur class but I would need to change my major again. I just went into legal studies this semester so I have to focus on that. After I get this degree then I can go back and take the class. I’m planning on becoming a real estate paralegal so I can learn the legal aspects of owning property and use this to my advantage. The more knowledge I have the better.

In terms of today, I’m feeling good now. I wasn’t having the best morning so I went out and blew off some steam. I worked out so I’m feeling strong. I ran into a cool guy I know on his way to an interview and it gave me so much positive energy. I love people who are hustlers and hard workers. It kept me from getting lazy today. I did some quick work at the library on my cover letter and watched a real estate webinar titled “8 FREE/Dirt cheap marketing strategies to get motivated sellers calling you to sell their homes at a DEEP discount” by Nick Ruiz which you can find here. I learned quite a bit on how to do these deals and signed up for another on Thursday night. Im on the letter “p” so far in the real estate index so I’m working to realize my dream of financial freedom. I want an 8 figure net worth. I’m focused and looking to make my next move.
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*If you are looking for transition related material click here.

*If you’re interested in Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

Where Did Suites Go?

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I’ve never had many issues with T-Mobile but I was pissed with them last night. I had no service in my house for 12 hours. You want to talk about upset? I usually write my blogs and check Facebook/Instagram on my cell phone because it’s just easier to maintain for me so you know I was tight. As they said when I called today, I have been a loyal customer for some years now. So to rectify the situation, they gave me 7 extra days on my bill cycle. I’m quite satisfied with the customer service today as the young lady did everything she could to help me. As someone who is looking to operate their own business in the future, I know things like this cause a loss to their profits but I’m sure it won’t hurt them long term.

I have made some new friends in the last couple of days. It feels very refreshing to have people who are goal oriented to talk too. It has uplifted my spirit in a lot of ways. When I talk to people who bring fresh ideas and dreams of their own, it energizes my batteries to want to progress. I was worried about miniscule issues but I am no longer. I need to focus on my career and business goals. Those things can buy me freedom. I know as long as I prosper in those places in my life, love will thrive when it is supposed too. The things I’m worried about also don’t make any sense. I’m not going to allow myself to get in my feelings over little things that don’t matter. I’ve realized those things are distractions to keep me away from my destiny. The devil will not stand in my way with his barriers to my paradise. This will be one of my shorter post because I’m dedicating today to making a dent in this real estate index. I hope everyone has a good week.

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*If you are looking for transition related material click here.

*If you’re interested in Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.