I have never felt so in tune with myself in my life. I am starting to love myself to the fullest. I am proud to wake up in the morning and just be myself. I couldnt have asked for more accepting people in my life. I was actually talking to my brother J from upstate and he just gave me more confidence then I think he knows with his words. WHY SHOULD I BE OBLIGATED TO TELL ANYONE ANYTHING??!!! It ‘s my business. People will find out as they see changes. Anyway back to transition things…
My wifey gave me my shot on Saturday because as she says she saw me suffering trying to give myself the needle. I swear I thought it would get easier after the first time but I guess apparently it doesnt. I will be skirming everytime I have to give myself the shot I guess. Well changes I have noticed that is that my clitoris has grown bigger but I guess that is also due to it being accustomed to suction action if you get my drift. I am sweating through every t shirt I wear as well. My body already I believe is shifting fat as my sides are more straight like a male. I do not know if it is due to the T or because of the exercise I have been doing. It may be both but I am thrilled they are finally disappearing.I am growing stronger as I take every shot. I can lift more then I ever could lol. Well if anything else I will come back and update till then…
I actually sat and wrote a list of what I do and do not want from bottom surgery along with what is negotiable. This can vary based on the surgeon, the procedure they do, the location, cost, and time I have available for the surgery. I’m really open minded with the price because I will save whatever possible to get what I want. to be able to look down at my genitals and be very happy with what I see will bring me so much comfort. I want to also fill my gf up in a way no other guy has (well at least I will try!). Anyway I’m going to sum up the things that I NEED out of bottom surgery.
I need to be able to penetrate the pussy so to speak lol. I want to be able to enter my gf. I need to be able to FEEL the inside of the pussy when I am entering it. I feel like I might as well stick to my strap on if I am not going to be able to the have sensation capability. I need girth because the thickness of it matters. I don’t want a real skinny penis. I need at least 5 to 6 inches when I” finish” with fine tuning my penis. I plan on pumping to help with making my penis strong because it is a muscle. The final thing I need is erection capability. When I am out and I wanna have a little quickie on the go if that ever happens I want to be able to “be prepared at any time” if you get my drift.
What I feel is negotiable is the ability to stand to pee. Due to the high complication rate of lengthening the urethra,l I really don’t want to mess up anything that has to do with my bladder lol. I also do not need testicular implants. I have the option on what I want my body to look like and big balls really do not appeal to me. Just balls in general i’m not so sure about. The option of also getting just a clitoral release is on my mind as well. I will most likely have to pump away if I go down this road but it’s not to far fetched for me. To leave the clitoris sticking out and the end of the penis if I get a phallo is also an option. Glansplasty is just extra but If im not satisfied with the uncircumsized look I will do what I have to do and get this procedure done.
Now what is absolutely unacceptable is skin grafts from my forearm or abs. I do not want to go down that road of possibly having bad scars on my forearm or my abs. It is just something I am not going to budge on. I am pretty sure there will be more things I will not even think twice about but until then I am pretty sure what I want.
Metoidioplasty or MLD Phallo are the options I am looking into at the moment and combined they would fit my needs perfectly but this wouldn’t be Planet Earth if things were perfect for us all. I will keep thinking this over until I am actually on an operating table getting the surgery. I am not getting bottom surgery for a while so most likely new techniques and such will come out by the time I get it so all this info may be invalid and change but oh well it is what it is.
So lately I have been having second guesses about T. I am so glad that my appointment isn’t now till June 10th that I could potentially start taking testosterone. I feel I needed this new found time to think more into pumping myself full of artificial chemicals so to speak. It is not my hormones in my body naturally so these are considered foriegn to me, and it could potentially have bad side effects. Now T will potentially make me stronger, give me a more masculine appearance and make my dick bigger (yea I said MY DICK SO WHAT!). The downside is the crazy hair growth on the body and the potential for male pattern baldness. This is what I am afraid of. I do not want to lose my hair. It is a symbol of me and it makes me different. A lot of people dont do the braid thing anymore so I feel different by still having hair and my baby keeps it fresh. I would hate for the hair braiding ritual to end. I love the way she runs her fingers through my hair even if sometimes I can be really tender headed. That means in case anyone doesn’t know that my scalp can be really sensitive to tugging and pulling on it. But I want a penis so honestly the hair can go bye bye for all I care.
I just want to get bottom surgery in the next 5 -10 years. I can only imagine what my penis would look like after maybe 5 years on T and after whatever surgery I choose to have. I plan on starting to pump (if I still continue down the road of T) as soon as humanly possible. I hope to have my girlfriend help me pump as well ;-). I hope that can make the experience a bit more fun for me because I heard that sometimes to pump can leave you a bit sore if you do it to hard or try to put to much pressure on your penis. I am a work in progress and I cant wait to see how everything turns out. I want my penis to be able to get erect on its own and want a 5 to 6 inch penis. This leaves me with the option of getting a metoidioplasty.
This procedure according to Hudson’s Guide takes advantage of your penis growth due to the the testosterone. Now I don’t want to have skins grafts done sculpted off of me like with phalloplasty so this the procedure I am most looking into. Now pumping should help with the size and help me to achieve a more natural thicker penis. There are not many options for FTM’s when it comes to bottom surgery and I refuse to get anything that I wont be satisfied with. Well I am off to do some more thinking and live my life. I’ll be back to post more later as more comes to me.