I make my abrupt return to this platform developing myself into a new man.
I keep hearing of this “abundance mindset” from many of the everyday men that I talk to and watch online.
I am very good at having this mindset in other avenues inside my life. Unfortunately relationships wasn’t one of them.
Till as of late, I would have such a scarcity thought process.
Well this time again I was in love.
Love had me ignoring all the major red flags I should’ve seen in the beginning.
I saw the good in her regardless of her past. I’m learning that you need to pay attention to what someone has dealt with. It can be a factor later on.
There was also a lot of pain coming from both sides so I feel it added more fuel to the fire.
The therapist told us we could work it out but we stopped going.
I guess this will be one or those things that isn’t going to work because we gave up along with other issues of disrespect that was inside of the relationship.
I wasnt always the best to her but I loved her with all of me. I wanted us to be like that power couple I know we could have been but that’s dead it seems.
She just told me this week she had sex with someone during our breakups.
At first I was upset because of the thought of someone sleeping with my woman.
I couldn’t get the visual out if my head…
But then it occurred to me, I was not entitled to any type of loyalty at that time. I thought love would bring us back together with some time apart.
Shit Was I Wrong!
Soooooo much has went on in the last few months, I’m like damn I dont know how I’m going to fit this in one post. I plan on writing more as I get the power to share my truth.
Following all of my emotional outburst I began to have so much clarity as to what I’ve done wrong over the course of my life.
My mindset is not right…
I know this for a fact because all of my relationships have failed.
I do not completely blame myself for what has occurred through all my life because that would be me not giving the assholes who have stumbled my way their fair share of the collapse.
I can be honest though and say I am not ready to be anyone’s husband.
This year alone has taught me so much in terms of the game in being a man. I have to take my position as such seriously and be a leader of a pack.
It means taking MYSELF more seriously as a human being but more so as a MAN.
This is so powerful. I didn’t even realize this due to my upbringing as a female.
I have been learning things as of late from men that are around me everyday. This includes the drug dealers, my barber, and my real estate mentor.
I feel all of these talks will make me not just book smart but street smart as a male.
I’ve been approaching women more frequently in my everyday journeys and I must say I’ve had some success with getting contact info and numbers.
There have been flakes and ones who are “gay” per se. This girl told me today that she “didnt do” men. She still offered me her number and wants to hang out.
I figured I’ll take the number because she may know others who like men like myself!
Another girl just didnt want to give me her number. That’s fine too. I got it out of the way. I forgot about her soon as I walked away. I hope I dont hit on her again!
This relationship self help blog that I follow speaks of women in the realist way possible.
“Every girl you pass could be a future girlfriend/fuck buddy. It’s up to you as a man to start the interaction just as it is your job to penetrate a womans pussy”
I never looked at my new found position as a man in society to this extent.
I see with more rejection it does indeed breed confidence.
Girls stop for me when I talk to them so I know I’m not butt ugly!
It’s still quite a barrier sometimes to speak to people and get over my codependency issues. I notice I still freeze up to talk to some women. I’m sure I’ll get over it as I do my daily approaches.
I feel like I still care to an extent much about what people think about me. Its something I deal with day to day.
However I have started to realize who I was and what I was capable of. My confidence has just soared as of late.
I see it like this. Whoever comes my way and it doesnt work out wasnt meant to be.
I used to put so much emotional emphasis on how I was making my partner/friends feel and not thinking of myself. That was the wrong idea.
It wont be happening any longer.
I am focused on my purpose and worrying about padding my bank accounts.
Something in me today breeded this post. I open my eyes wide and will let the sun shine in. The future is bright!
*If you’re looking for transition related material click here.
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