Smile Everyday!

I’m learning no matter what to be authentic and be 100% ME!
I realized that it is been a while since I spoke on my transition so here is an update:

  • I made 6 years 3 months on testosterone this month 
  • I’ve actually grown some hair on my face! Most of it is on my chin and I have a visible mustache (Winning!)
  • I take myself more seriously…as a man
  • I’m ridding myself of the extra emotional ways of the past. There’s no need to be so serious all the time

    *If you’re looking for transition related material click here.

    *If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

    When Demons Attract…

    It’s dark down there…
    Be careful or you might fall in with me…

    My demon has had time to manifest so much energy in my life. I know for a fact he’s been fucking these girls I’ve been with…
    He has a need that can’t be fulfilled easily…

    Internal pain is what I have shared with others in my short life. It felt oh so good to feed from that energy…into that nectar…so intoxicating…endless.

    It’s good to be bad.

    Until it overflows onto life…not just in the bed where the juices were spilled and sucked up. 

    That pussy was oh so good…

    Hitting raw…

    Cumming inside…

    Feeding on all that sexual energy…

    I will feel it again…

    *If you’re looking for transition related material click here.

    *If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.


    Mindset

    “You ain’t worthy, you see my love, you don’t deserve it
    Can you take it, you can dish it, you can serve it, but when the tables turned on you, I’m wrong
    When every man deserves happiness hey, I’m a dog, when you’re the reason that it happened all along
    And I try to look past it, oh but its the, its the, its the things you do”

    https://youtu.be/c6GAL_RxbfA


    Oh I do so many things for you girl and still you wanna act a fool”

    Writing will be updated periodically. The song says enough for now.

    *If you’re looking for transition related material click here.

    *If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

    “The Good Guy”

    Now I’m not writing this post knocking my boy Stevie J. I respect him as a real artist who can definitely play an multitude of instruments. 

    Stevie and I share a couple of qualities. He is a Scorpio like myself who is hungry to be better then he was yesterday. He makes a gazillion mistakes on a daily basis but he makes up for it by trying to come out stronger and better. Watching the show, you see he gets into many Entrepreneurial endeavors. This includes partnering up with Benzino to open a restaurant and having a pre-workout supplement called “Danger Zone” that’s for sale right now. I plan on giving it a try once my money becomes a bit more stable. 

    I love to work out and I am inspired by him to get my body even tighter than it was at my peak. First I’m going to be doing the “Insanity” workout to drop some weight. Next it will be the muscle gain. I hope to follow at least in those footsteps of his with the exercise and hustle. On the other hand, we also have a bad habit of attracting not so nice women into our lives.

    Joseline you could see was trouble from the start. She got with him while he was in a relationship with his baby mother Mimi. They denied any claims of being together even with all the excessive flirting and inappropriate things they were doing in the public and behind closed doors. During the course of their union, he played with her and she played back doing inexcusable things. Current news is she is supposed to be pregnant with his baby on the show. I do not think she was actually pregnant regardless of what was shown on the opening episode. I think it was all fake right along with Beyoncé s pregnancy with Blue Ivy but that’s for another post. 

    Now here’s where we differ…

    I was binge watching the older seasons of the show before it came back on last night and I couldn’t help but notice how bad he is with women. This dude is not loyal at all! First there was Mimi, a baby mama to one of his daughters whose also a 20 year friend. He bought a family home for the 3 of them to live in the suburbs. As a music producer, he did most of his work in the studio in the city area where he also acquired an apartment for him to stay in on his late nights. Joseline was one of his artists at first. Since he has a bad habit of mixing business with pleasure, they ended up messing around. 

    They would go to the extra apartment he had to have their sexual rendevous. As of right now, they aren’t together on the show. During the season break, he had a spinoff called “Leave It To Stevie.”

    During the course of the show you saw him level up in the lady department with one of his longtime friends. He had a chance to date Faith Evans. Now this was a big step up from what he usually attracts. She was a real woman. I don’t feel like Faith would go out of her way to hurt him and play games like immature Joseline. She was graceful with it and I appreciate that about her. Grinding and level headed, I feel that’s what he needs from a wife. I take this advice into account for myself because now after all of the heartache, I know what I don’t want to become and who I dont want to marry. I want peace and stability in my life.

    I’ve been buying some sage along with this other root to bring positive energy into my life and I suggest that Stevie J do the same. Some people don’t mature just with age, it takes experiences. Hopefully Stevie will stay faithful to the right woman. I feel when you find the one”, it will all work out in your favor and things will fall into place. If it’s not meant to be it won’t. Thanks for reading. 

    *If you’re looking for transition related material click here.


    *If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

    The Good Guy Always Loses…

    I can talk for days on this topic and I plan on doing just that here (lol)I start with my experiences growing up around some of my male friends. My closest friends are cisgender. Cisgender means that they identify with their gender from birth. I was around a very interesting group of individuals. We would spend most of our summers together along with my brother from another mother attending high school with me for 2 years. I was exposed to heightened masculinity at its finest. We talked about “smuts, slides, and hoes” daily as this is what females were frequently called by the people around me. Girls were getting “popped off” on the regular. I never made any judgments of my friends. I attributed it to the testosterone coursing through their veins. The over sexualized hip hop culture that we grew up to love I believe had a part as well. I would see them pick up girls and toss them to the side usually with no feelings after the interaction. This is the very same thing I saw in the MTV show Jersey Shore the other day.

    I was never an avid watcher of the show when it was actually on but I love it now. There were countless episodes with Pauly D and The Situation asking women “You DTF?” There is one particular comment from Pauly D’s mouth that really stuck with me. He said “It’s Saturday, we don’t have time to waste. If they not DTF I’m moving to the next.” Dude would have chicks on backup in case one didn’t show. He had numerous women flocking to him and was an asshole most of the time. Now “DTF” for people might not ring a bell. It means “down to f@€#.” These guys were praised for their attitude and it was attributed to just being guys huh? The world is so assed backwards at times. 

    During the second season, Angelina was dating a guy named José. He was taking her out on dates and courting her. Even showing up to her job in a suit to give her a gift, he was the man girls dream of. 

    Charming and sweet, he wanted to sweep her off her feet. When his birthday came after numerous dates and bonding, he was still not able to have sex with her. Giving a female gifts is not a prerequisite for sex, I know this. It just happens that she was an open whore on the side. 

    Vinny (pictured above) was one of her roommates who disrespected her on a daily basis and even nicknamed her the “Staten Island Dump.” Guess which one of these guys got the goodies? 

    It just goes to show you that it doesn’t always hurt to be bad. It does hurt in the long run though. Girls dig it in the beginning until they get played and then they ask “where are all the real men?” Well you over looked him for the asshole who you thought was better for you. Thanks for reading guys.

    *If you’re looking for transition related material click here.


    *If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.


    “Dont Save Her…She Don’t Wanna Be Saved”

    I have come to the conclusion that you can’t force anyone in life to do something. They have to make the decision within themselves to take action. The only real control I have in my life are the choices I make. Sometimes my emotions can get the best of me and I get in my feelings. This is me. I am a highly emotional being who has an attitude. When my bullshit detector goes off, I tend to get out of character. What I need to learn is how to better control my emotions to make better decisions. While I know this, I just can’t figure out how to do it.

    As I go towards my 30th birthday, my perspective on life is changing quite drastically. I don’t want drama in my life anymore. I like peace and quiet. An old soul I believe myself to be. I just want to lay up and enjoy people and their company while shooting the breeze. 

    I was watching Lottery Ticket and I started imagining how it would feel to be free. I don’t think my road to riches will be all that simple though. My ride up the ladder will be through Real Estate. I know this is what I want to do. I’ve been looking into programs at various schools for after I graduate from undergrad. In time the pieces will come together.


    *If you’re looking for transition related material click here.


    *If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

    The Hottest Love Has the Coldest End

    It was like the greatest high I ever felt…then you crash back down to the Earth. Harder then before…your heart is heavy from all the pain. I’ve been letting myself feel my emotions as of late. I cried today while listening to music. I want so bad to just have someone who won’t give up on me. A person who can be empathetic to my mistakes. One day I hope to be someone’s husband and baby father. Security is what I’m searching for now in my life. I don’t want to be around anything that doesn’t bring the best out of me at all times. I’m just tired of fighting. Seems like shit is always to the extreme and it’s pissing me off. I’m in my feelings right now and my mind is all over the place. I don’t know what to do. 

    I don’t want love right now. The shit hurts too damn bad. I don’t want the emotions and everything that comes with it. 

    I do miss the look in her eye when she tells me “I love you”. Holding her waist ever so gently and pulling her close meant the world to me. With those hips I saw one who could bear my seed and we raise them up together.  I would imagine a star studded wedding with me waiting for her down the aisle. I would see that white gown and tear up as I saw her coming towards me. I would tell her the vows that I wrote and hold her hand. Pulling the veil up to kiss those soft lips.  She becoming my Queen and I her King. I kneel before my bride and kiss her hand. I do believe now that all that was a dream. 

    I hate feeling like I was set up. All she saw was herself. I hate how life flashes what I want in my face like some kind of a joke. I saw perfection while she saw deception. 


    [Jhene Aiko – Chorus]
    “You had to change up the game
    Oh the weather is not the same
    Now there’s only cloudy days
    I can’t stand the rain in July
    Oh July
    There were fireworks exploding (exploding)
    But now it’s getting colder
    The leaves are turning colors
    Why, it’s just not our season
    The one and only reason
    Baby oh baby oh
    Our summer turned into fall

    [Drake – Verse 2]
    Damn, tell me where did all the magic go
    I followed all the rules and told you everything you had to know
    Had you over every night, every night was passionate
    Plus you met my mother even if it was an accident
    I’m confused tell me where we go wrong
    I was sure that I would be with you so long
    I was planning on this being something worth mentioning
    Energy invested in someone I saw potential in
    Who killed Chivalry they need to get their sentencing
    Meanwhile we arguing and I can’t get a sentence in
    And just as I predicted here we go again
    They always say the hottest love has the coldest end

    [Chorus]

    [Jhene Aiko]
    See its funny ’cause I never thought this would end but then the season changed
    [Drake]
    You were my, you were my, you were my girl (I was your girl)
    Should’ve made, should’ve made, should’ve made you my World
    Should’ve made you everything to make you happy baby
    [Jhene Aiko]
    Can’t wait for, can’t wait for, can’t wait for springtime
    And I will turn into a butterfly
    I will spread my wings and fly


    https://youtu.be/G7m8dfVWLc8

    *If you’re looking for transition related material click here.


    *If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.