Facebook Addiction

Hi..My name is Suites and I have a Facebook Addiction. Coming to terms with this was very hard. It’s something that I had to sit down and ponder about. When my mind had nothing else to wonder about I would find myself scrolling down my Facebook timeline for minutes on end, feeding my energy into this powerful entity. I regard it as such a thing because of the amount of control it has on people’s daily lives. Life had landed me with a number of future opportunities to work for the city. All of these employment orientations have led me to giving up my social media identities for them to look at before they hire me. The importance this website has on my future is paramount. I do not want to make this a staple of my time on Earth. 

It has been about a week since I deactivated my Facebook account. On the first day, to my surprise I felt very anxious. I would pick up my phone with many thoughts including going back to Facebook and calming my nerves. Ignoring these feeling I went on to do many things including:

  • Worked out more often
  • Read real estate articles
  • Spent more time living outside of the phone screen

 The list goes on with the things I did with my newfound minutes each day. I still do have my Instagram account and post quotes once in a while but it is not something I spend a lot of my time on. I choose not to have a Snap chat or other accounts because these things are a time waster in my opinion. 

I think of the simple times before all of the electronic devices and the Internet. The 90’s into the 2000’s were some of the best years of my life. It just happened to be during the time when the Internet and cell phones were brand new and not very relevant to everyday life. I imagined my timeline during the Super Bowl game and felt very blessed to be able to enjoy the moments of watching the game and not caring about the “likes” on my post. I really don’t give a damn about people’s opinions any longer.

Like any addiction this will take time to get completely off of my mind though. I will not say that I don’t get weak sometimes. I’m human and I make so many damn mistakes but then I wake up the next day a new man with new choices to make. One day I’ll be reveling in the success that I deserve to have. I have to put it out into universe to create for me so I’m claiming everything I want in life to be mine. 

*If you’re looking for transition related material click here.

*If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

Stepping Stones To My Destiny…

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It has now been 21 days since I’ve had my hysterectomy. So far I have nothing interesting to report. Just taking it easy till my 6 weeks of recovery are over. I’m trying to follow the doctors orders as she drilled the rules into my head a couple days ago. I’m bugging out because everything I do to release stress, I am banned from it. I so look forward to working out again. I miss it so much! That is one thing that kept my mind right and my body tight. Coming from a life of always being overweight, I was just getting to a place where I was content with my body. Then with this surgery and knee issues ive been at a stand still when it comes to my fitness. You can look at my weight loss journey here in a previous entry. I am not able to masterbate, receive oral or have any sex for that matter because of the hidden stiches. They could be popped from internal muscle contractions which could lead to major surgery to repair my insides and more time to heal. I’m horny as hell and ready to get down with my baby. My wife was told “if you think it’s sexy, you can’t do it”. I can tell you that crushed my hopes and dreams of getting off and relieving these hormones.

I see the hysterectomy procedure as a “means to an end”. Getting an ALT phalloplasty is the ultimate goal. Law enforcement may be the way I’ll be taking to get there. I know for a fact if I can get employment going this route, my surgery will get covered in full. I’ll do back flips and cartwheels the day I can wake up, (without pain!) to my completed penis that I can use to urinate outside and penetrate a woman. You can check out the full breakdown of what I want from bottom surgery here. Writing my name in the snow is on my growing bucket list. Along with penetrating a woman…my wife preferably…it doesn’t really matter where I enter her. As long as we are both in the throes of pleasure.

It has been quite the week with everything that is going on. Things seem to be going sour in certain places but I’m trying to stay positive. I took the notary test in my state and I have to wait at least 2 weeks for the results. I’ve also been looking into law school A LOT. I have plenty to say on that topic so it will be a separate post.

I would like to add that I make periodic changes on my blog. If you decide to return in the future, this post and even others may be completely different. Sometimes I get inspiration after I publish and I’m like “oh crap, I should’ve added that”. I do what I do on here. It’s one of the few things I have complete control over. Life on the other hand…that’s another story for a different day. Thanks for reading.

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*If you’re looking for transition related material click here.

*If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

Post Hysto Update

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If you’re looking to just read about my hysterectomy skip a couple paragraphs down “Into the Nitty Gritty”.

I’ve been real lazy with updating this blog as of late. I’ll say to myself “you’ll have time later” while I make time for everything else but writing lol. I haven’t been procrastinating with my work though. I completed my first full time semester in some years with a 3.825 gpa a couple of weeks ago.

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I asked my significant other to marry me and I have no regrets. She said YES! I know we will go far in our relationship due to our mindset to be better. She motivates me to be the best man I can be and I will do right by her. I can’t let US down.

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I had a very bad reaction to either this seafood or my testosterone which I had for about 5-6 months. My eye swelled up really bad like I had a shiner. It has so far went down and the swelling is almost gone. I will take my t again next week after I speak with my doctor. I believe it was this shrimp that I had in my black rice. I had a dream a while back where I broke out into hives after eating some of these sea creatures. I don’t really dabble with seafood and won’t be now for a very long time.

Now Into the Nitty Gritty…

So I arrived at Bronx Lebanon Hospital on January 6th around 6:45 in the morning to check in for the surgery. I had the robotic procedure completed by Dr. Ami J. Shah. The staff pre op was so nice. I was not misgendered at all and I was able to talk to a few members of my surgeons team. The anesthesiologist was a very upbeat funny dude. He told me he was going to take care of me and asked me a multitude of questions about my medical background. I signed my life away to the hospital before I was taken to the OR room. I am no novice to surgery as I had my top surgery done a few years back which you can look at here. I was just extra anxious this time. I didnt want to have to have surgery. I was scared and angry at GOD for putting me through this and not giving me my male body to begin with. I thought about the other surgeries I would have to have to feel whole. I think I had a mini panic attack before I calmed down and gave myself a pep talk. “One day at a time” I kept telling myself till I was off into Lala land with no turning back.

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I woke up a couple hours later in the recovery area. My mom came to visit me some time later to let me know I had no complications during the surgery which was great news. I just felt like crap. My stomach felt extremely bloated and stretched out. I asked the nurse for some medicine which she injected into my iv and I felt instant relief. I didn’t get to ask what it was and didn’t care as long as it worked. I’m assuming this was morphine. My doctor reserves a bed to stay overnight pending any complications which I did not have but I was shipped upstairs anyway because that’s what the paperwork showed. I was feeling out of it so I welcomed staying overnight and almost agreed to it when I got up there. Here’s where it gets crazy. I was misgendered numerous times and I’m like okay guys “I know I’m not your first transgender patient…CUT IT OUT!”. I corrected this particular nurse multiple times even after she asked what I preferred to be addressed as. After a couple of hours my fiancé surprised me by showing up to the hospital. She couldn’t get the day off but she came early and I can say it lifted my spirits up really high. Dr. Shah finally came up after she was finished with a couple other surgeries and told me to go home. I was cleared hours later after a fiasco I’d rather not go into at this time. I’m just happy to be another step closer to my dream of feeling complete. I want the ALT phalloplasty which I talk about here.

I will not be pursuing bottom surgery for awhile till I can get on the right insurance plan that will pay my surgeon in full. I was hoping I won power ball so I could go and get my surgery done asap but that didn’t happen so I’ll just have to be patient. I am on my school break for a couple more weeks so I have time to heal up.

My first week of healing has been uneventful minus some constipation and soreness. I took Milk of Magnesia to help with the gas and movement. It worked really well for me to get things going. I felt like I did 1000 situps and the gas pain hurt all the way down, but nonetheless the pain was manageable. So far I’m getting back to my normal routine minus the lifting of anything more then 10 pounds. The doc put me on restriction from all the things I love. I cannot work out which I’m dying to do. I have about 5 more weeks till I’m cleared hopefully to my wave. I’ll update more later as I heal up. Thanks for reading.

*If you’re looking for transition related material click here.

*If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

Hot like Fire

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I’ve been spending some time with a very beautiful person inside and out. Incredible in many ways…She’s so giving and such a sweetheart. It took some magic to soften that hardened Brooklyn exterior that life has helped to create. Once you get past that, her gentleness, and that oh so sexy femininity shows itself and intertwines with my masculinity to create something more then just casual intimacy. Her curves are out of this world. I’ve ridden them all the way around the bend and I can tell you every second was ecstasy. It’s like a whirlwind of emotions has come through to leave us both very confused to what we want.

It all started with a date to the village. I was celebrating my father’s birthday with some good ol’ Mary Jane and some sultry old school Sade. “Sweetest Taboo” is one of my favorite songs that I remember my father always listening to those days he would be cleaning up the house. On his birthdays since he passed away, I usually just chill by myself and reflect on life and where I want to go. This year I was expecting a level of comfort from people that I did not get and I felt I deserved. I had happened to start talking to this young lady some days before after my neighbors had a party. That night we talked about many things including Trans Male Penis size which you can find here. It was something about her that I couldn’t help but be attracted to this woman. We talked and I was feeling the vibe I couldn’t help but ask to stay connected.

Fast forward to last weekend of my dad’s birthday we went to hang out in the village and she showed me new things I’ve never been exposed to. We did some bar hopping, ate some good ass food and got some massages. We ended up back at my house where she dozed off in my arms. We woke up to spend time together just chatting about finances and the SEC. But then it just got real hot…we couldn’t keep our hands off each other and just had to stop it all before it went to far. She had to leave on business and I was left with a hard one and her on my mind.

A day went by and she was supposed to be off on the business trip. She is an accountant and was going off with her firm to do training. Life that day made sure we would be able to see each other. She was not able to get on her flight and had time to see me as I live right by the airport. She came by and that internal Scorpio flame inside me could not be tamed. We could not keep our hands off each other and ended up going the absolute distance. It was so hot in that place! By the time everything was said and done, I was left with something inside me stirring that I haven’t felt in a long time. She left and went on her trip and I was feeling so good. We talked the whole time she was away and even met up when she came back. We just spent the last few days together…It was amazing! I’m not really sure what’s going on right now with this situation but I’m just going to enjoy the company of this beautiful woman and cherish the moments.

It is so refreshing to actually feel stress free and open to change. I do have excess baggage in the background but I’m not going to allow that to diminish my future blessings. Just one weekend has strengthened my values and it gave me that extra pep I’ve been needing. I definitely will not be taking anymore crap from women in relationships. If a woman is not looking to build and grow with me I’m going to go elsewhere with my time because I know my worth. This one right here is my complete opposite.

What good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness.

John Steinbeck, Travels with Charley: In Search of America

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*If you’re looking for transition related material click here.

*If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

Baby Making Part 2

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Note: If you are a close family member or friend who follows my blog and you don’t want to know some details of my sex life, stop reading now.

You can find part one of my “Baby Making” writings here.

It seems like everyone is infatuated with the idea of sex and/or baby making. I can’t lie, I love me some good good as well. It can be life changing. If done with the right person your breath will be taken away. In the sheets sweaty, heavy breathing, skin caressing, bodies intertwined in ecstasy. Losing yourself in the feeling while traveling to places far beyond the physical realm. Your souls will truly connect when given to the right person. If the timing is right and you are both cisgender, a baby can be the next step. I speak on it all the time but I HATE that I can’t procreate with a woman. I have been told “the way we do it, I should’ve had a couple kids by now”. Now this does boost my ego because it means a brother is doing his thing but it does leave me feeling a bit sad I won’t have my genetic mini me. I will be content with raising an adopted baby and if my significant other is willing to have a baby even better. I’m starting to have signs of baby fever and it does not seem to be going away. I turn 27 next week and I’m getting that itch.

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After speaking with many cisgender males about their inadequacies, my worries are worth nil. There will always be people in the world with unfair advantages so just suck it up! When it comes to reproduction, there are plenty of men who are sterile or who are just plain unhappy with their genitalia. I will have the opportunity one day to change all that with my bottom surgery which you can read about here but I will still be unable to naturally conceive with a woman. I want to be able to feel her opening up to me as I enter…Feel her getting wetter with every stroke. I’m a Scorpio lover so my mind is always in the gutter. Besides being very dirty minded, I understand the spiritual damage that can occur if sex is used as a weapon or is done with selfish motives. Every person you let into your being you’re left with baggage that can be positive or negative. I’d hate to co-parent with an energy vampire in my life, which would then make the experience of being a father a job instead of the happy “American Dream” picture that I’m hoping to create. Thanks for reading.

*If you’re looking for transition related material click here.

*If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

Trans Man Talk: Does Size Matter?

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I was chatting with a very interesting young lady about penis size and how much it matters to a woman. I see that it varies depending on the lady. When I told her I looked to get a 7 to 8 inch penis, she semi frowned at me like she was disappointed. She said to me “if you can choose why go small?”

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The average male is 5.16 inches long and has about a 4.19 inch circumference according to the Huff Post. After going back and forth we came to the conclusion that there is a stigma in the African American community on penis size. My answer to this was “my preferable penis size is not for the pleasure of you, it’s for my comfort. 8 inches is small relatively speaking. “ She said she likes them big so she can feel full. I have heard this from multiple women in my community so im seeing that size can be a factor in a mans sexual relationship with women. I know it would be possible to tame an anaconda but I really don’t feel the need to impress anyone. My future boo will just need to be happy with what I have or keep it moving. I know for a fact the size that I want is good enough for thick women to enjoy. So that’s what I’m sticking to for now. I have plenty of time to rethink my penis size so I’m not going to stress all that just yet.

*If you are looking for transition related material click here.

*If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

Polyamory/ Polygomous Relationships



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I was talking to this interesting female yesterday who was great with conversation. She is a chef/allied health professional/model. I love to talk to hustlers/entrepreneurs like myself. It intrigues me. Now it got to a point in our convo when she threw out there that she was involved with the polyamorous lifestyle. Like most people I confused it with being polygamous which is something completely different. I’m still waiting for her outline of the differences between the 2 but until then I did my own research for my curiosity and education because I mean you can learn something new everyday.

Polyamory relationships can include ‘many loves’ or sexual partners. It’s not affliated to any religious background or following.
Communication is key in these types of relationships I’ve learned. Everyone in the relationship would be aware of one another so it’s not cheating. To be in this type of relationship, I feel I would need to be very secure with myself and less possesive. It’s something new I’m learning about so I won’t throw the idea to the wayside. I’ve only known monagomy as a way of life but I won’t be quick to judge someone else’s lifestyle because I’m ignorant to its qualities.

Pologamy involves marriage to multiple partners. When a man is married to more then one female it’s called polygyny. When a woman is wed to more then one man its referred to as polyandry. Some polyamorous relationships involve marriage like in a “home base” type of thing with serious relationships on the side. Just when I was I beginning to think I knew everything, life opened my eyes even more.

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My motivation lately has been low for my outside endeavors because of stress on the homefront. I go home with a chip on my shoulder as I feel daily I am going to punch my neighbor in the face. We have had multiple run ins for the the last few weeks and tension is high. Patience is not even the word to use when dealing with my life situations. I am that guy who goes till the wheels fall off even when I know I shouldn’t. I call it borderline stupidity sometimes when it comes to just letting go. I have found that people seem to have it easy when it comes to leaving me hanging but when I do it, life all goes to crap. I am all of a sudden a bad guy when it occurs. I have decided to put on my man pants and let go of the excess baggage. I will be updating my blog but I plan on going ghost in certain peoples lives so I can figure out if I want them around or not. Why waste any of my precious time on anyone who wont do the same for me? These seconds of my life that I spend sending messages and making phone calls to no response, I could’ve been deep in my real estate book learning the laws of my state. I could’ve been pursuing that really cute girl in my philosophy class which I have been putting off. I’ve talked to her more on a friendly tip but next week the real games begin. I don’t plan to get myself into any more serious relationships for awhile till I can learn to be content by myself but it will be nice to play around and talk to more women with brains and beauty.

Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.

-Deborah Reber, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul

*If you are looking for transition related material click here.

*If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.