Gender Corrective Surgery: My Thoughts, Feelings and Everything Else

Lately I have been reading material that usually put a negative tone on genital surgery for men of transgender experience. I thought that surgery would leave me with an “insensate, floppy sausage” when I first started to research transgender material. As I grew wiser, I knew that the life that I have always seen for myself is possible. There are two procedures I am aware of that are available to transgender males along with variations to the procedures. The first procedure I learned about in 2011 was the metoidioplasty. My penis would be sculpted with the phallus that I have grown with the help of testosterone. The first two blogs I ever read contained information regarding it as they had the procedure done and dealt personally with Dr. Miro. The links to those websites can be found here and here. There were other doctors I found but what was consistent with him was his bedside manner and staff. I have heard nothing but good things about the way they try to accommodate you when you come in from other countries. Also he has done many of these procedures and I just felt comfortable with the idea of the surgery. It was the less invasive option and took less healing time. I was pretty keen on this for awhile as I learned I could get rid of the bits I have right now. With the exception I would most likely end up with no bulge in my pants and not be able to have penetrative sex without the use of certain positions and attachments. I have went back and forth with the idea of getting this procedure or not just to relieve some of the dysphoria that I have but that would mean more healing, time and money then I want to have to spend. So I began to look for other options and found out about phalloplasty.

Phalloplasty for men of transgender experience consists of taking tissue from your body to form a neophallus. You could use a variety of places including the RF(radial forearm), ALT(anterior lateral thigh), MLD(musculocutaneous latissimus dorsi) and a multitude of other flaps. These are the main ones that I have researched and looked into. When I found this procedure I knew, I could finally be able to have the body I always wanted. For myself I prefer to get the ALT procedure based on my wants and needs from the surgery. I have always been told to make a list and think about what you cannot live without. My wants and needs are as follows:

Wants/Needs

SENSATION!

Size

Penetrative Ability

Peeing standing up

Glans Sculpting

Balls

Hidden donor sight scar

My wants and needs are the same. I couldn’t budge when I thought “what can I live without?”.  Sensation is very important to me and I was told the RF procedure is the “gold standard” when is comes to functionality but the ALT is my top choice. This is due to the flap coming from the thigh area which I cover anyway. I do not plan on ever wearing a speedo so no one on the street would ever see it. This lead to me doing more research on surgeons and I found out about Dr.Crane. I found he had done his fellowship with Dr. Miro and other surgeons who could give me what I need. He does all of these procedures and more. I was instantly drawn to him and have seen his results. I believe they are phenomenal and I look forward to being able to go to him soon. I am in school at the moment but have taken city exams to find employment that will cover the procedure in full.  I met him at the Philly Conference and told him I look forward to working with him. He looked forward to working with me to attain my goals.

I can only imagine life after the procedure. I hopefully will be in a place of peace at least when it comes to my identity as a person. One thing that I have been told is that “life won’t give you more then you can handle”. These are the type of things I think daily to get me through my day. I hope this can help someone else.

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New Inspiration…

I went to the doctor’s office with my wifey for the second time. While sitting and waiting for two hours to be seen we were watching Judge Alex and Judge Joe Brown. I was seeing the cases that we were watching and wifey and I have come to the conclusion that people have no reason to go on these shows but to just spread their business to the world. Why would you want to publicly embarrass yourself on national television? The cases that were televised were nothing short of embarrassing to parties on the show.

Anyway the blood test I took in December came back negative for anything. I am still having my period so I was able to have my dose increased from .25 to .5 finally!!! I have also for the moment quit smoking weed and have tried to limit the amount of second hand smoke that I am around to let my lungs finally get some fresh air. I am feeling more and more proud of myself by the day as I make changes to myself to benefit me in the future. I want to be able to pursue my top surgery in the summer and I feel I will heal better being smoke free. I also had my knee checked out as it popped out of place a couple weeks back (Long story!!!). It is also fine which I am happy about so I wont be held back from unit 9 any longer. I am waiting though for my testosterone to get here. My clinic has a connection to Stroheckers Pharmacy in Oregon where it is 60.00 for a 10ml vial. Shipping is included in that price. My damn debit card is acting like a fool but I think it must have worked since they did not call me back. Anyway while at the clinic I spoke with Cris from CK Life and heard some great news for the future. I have also some more great news for myself. As I join my moms insurance next month through her insurance I will be able to have my top and bottom surgery covered!!! I am so excited to the fact that I may not pay a dime for these surgeries. I plan on having my top surgery this year during my vacation but we shall see what happens.If I do not hit my target weight by then I might extend my time to a little later in the year. Maybe the winter break will suffice. We shall see where life takes me.

I need some where to vent I feel like crying my eyes out as something fell on my wifeys eye and even though I am breathing a huge sigh of relief I feel responsible for this happening and I am just thanking the universe for sparing her eyesight. I cherish this girl and I hope to one day take the next step with her. I love her and I will not take her for granted. Well I am off to live my life and hug and kiss my wifey all day long.

TJ

What I Need From Bottom Surgery…

I actually sat and wrote a list of what I do and do not want from bottom surgery along with what is negotiable. This can vary based on the surgeon, the procedure they do, the location, cost, and time I have available for the surgery. I’m really open minded with the price because I will save whatever possible to get what I want. to be able to look down at my genitals and be very happy with what I see will bring me so much comfort. I want to also fill my gf up in a way no other guy has (well at least I will try!). Anyway I’m going to sum up the things that I NEED out of bottom surgery.

I need to be able to penetrate the pussy so to speak lol. I want to be able to enter my gf. I need to be able to FEEL the inside of the pussy when I am entering it. I feel like I might as well stick to my strap on if I am not going to be able to the have sensation capability. I need girth because the thickness of it matters. I don’t want a real skinny penis. I need at least 5 to 6 inches when I” finish” with fine tuning my penis. I plan on pumping to help with making my penis strong because it is a muscle. The final thing I need is erection capability. When I am out and I wanna have a little quickie on the go if that ever happens I want to be able to “be prepared at any time” if you get my drift.

What I feel is negotiable is the ability to stand to pee. Due to the high complication rate of lengthening the urethra,l I really don’t want to mess up anything that has to do with my bladder lol. I also do not need testicular implants. I have the option on what I want my body to look like and big balls really do not appeal to me. Just balls in general i’m not so sure about. The option of also getting just a clitoral release is on my mind as well. I will most likely have to pump away if I go down this road but it’s not to far fetched for me. To leave the clitoris sticking out and the end of the penis if I get a phallo is also an option. Glansplasty is just extra but If im not satisfied with the uncircumsized look I will do what I have to do and get this procedure done.

Now what is absolutely unacceptable is skin grafts from my forearm or abs. I do not want to go down that road of possibly having bad scars on my forearm or my abs. It is just something I am not going to budge on. I am pretty sure there will be more things I will not even think twice about but until then I am pretty sure what I want.

Metoidioplasty or MLD Phallo are the options I am looking into at the moment and combined they would fit my needs perfectly but this wouldn’t be Planet Earth if things were perfect for us all. I will keep thinking this over until I am actually on an operating table getting the surgery. I am not getting bottom surgery for a while so most likely new techniques and such will come out by the time I get it so all this info may be invalid and change but oh well it is what it is.

Stuck

So lately I have been having second guesses about T. I am so glad that my appointment isn’t now till June 10th that I could potentially start taking testosterone. I feel I needed this new found time to think more into pumping myself full of artificial chemicals so to speak. It is not my hormones in my body naturally so these are considered foriegn to me, and it could potentially have bad side effects. Now T will potentially make me stronger, give me a more masculine appearance and make my dick bigger (yea I said MY DICK SO WHAT!). The downside is the crazy hair growth on the body and the potential for male pattern baldness. This is what I am afraid of. I do not want to lose my hair. It is a symbol of me and it makes me different. A lot of people dont do the braid thing anymore so I feel different by still having hair and my baby keeps it fresh. I would hate for the hair braiding ritual to end. I love the way she runs her fingers through my hair even if sometimes I can be really tender headed. That means in case anyone doesn’t know that my scalp can be really sensitive to tugging and pulling on it. But I want a penis so honestly the hair can go bye bye for all I care.

I just want to get bottom surgery in the next 5 -10 years. I can only imagine what my penis would look like after maybe 5 years on T and after whatever surgery I choose to have. I plan on starting to pump (if I still continue down the road of T) as soon as humanly possible. I hope to have my girlfriend help me pump as well ;-). I hope that can make the experience a bit more fun for me because I heard that sometimes to pump can leave you a bit sore if you do it to hard or try to put to much pressure on your penis. I am a work in progress and I cant wait to see how everything turns out. I want my penis to be able to get erect on its own and want a 5 to 6 inch penis. This leaves me with the option of getting a metoidioplasty.

This procedure according to Hudson’s Guide takes advantage of your penis growth due to the the testosterone. Now I don’t want to have skins grafts done sculpted off of me like with phalloplasty so this the procedure I am most looking into. Now pumping should help with the size and help me to achieve a more natural thicker penis. There are not many options for FTM’s when it comes to bottom surgery and I refuse to get anything that I wont be satisfied with. Well I am off to do some more thinking and live my life. I’ll be back to post more later as more comes to me.

-TJ