Post Hysto Update Part 2: 1 year Later

Part 1 of the Hysto Series which speaks about the surgery can be found here.

It’s been a year and one month since I had my hysterectomy. My surgery was performed by Dr. Shah at Bronx Lebanon Hospital. I loved her bedside manner and spunky attitude. I’m very blessed to have had these procedures in such a timely matter and I do not take it for granted. Some months after surgery I noticed my urgency to urinate had increased. I use the bathroom all the time now. I make sure to go before I go out and before I leave to come home. Also if I hold my urine to long it gives me A LOT of pain almost like cramping. I know this is directly due to the surgery because this didn’t happen before. I do not regret having the surgery. I feel 1000 percent lighter without those female parts inside of me. Forever gone are the days of breakthrough bleeding or anything that has to do with a period. That relieved quite a bit of my body dysphoria along with the pain I had in my lower abdomen whenever I had an orgasm standing up. I was told that body atrophy had begun to occur causing the pain. Your uterus and ovaries are not made to be exposed to male level testosterone which after a while can cause the breakdown of those organs in some men over time. I have read about guys who have kept those parts and had no issue over a number of years. T doesn’t treat everyone the same so I jump into each part of my transition with a leap of faith. After my hysterectomy I felt more dysphoric about my bottom half. I speak a bit about this in the first part of the my dysphoria series here. I plan on writing more about how I felt after my hysterectomy in another post. I want to continue on with my surgical transition and get a phalloplasty which I talk about here

The procedure that was completed on me was the Total laproscopic Hysterectomy with a Bilateral Salpingo oophorectomy. This means the surgery was completed with the use of a robot to make all my incisions and so forth.My uterus, ovaries and fallopian tubes were all removed. I didn’t wish to have children the way I was wired to have them. I thought about saving my eggs about a year on the testosterone and found that it can be a bit risky. I did not want to stop my testosterone to be put on estrogen to stimulate ovulation. I also didn’t have the thousands of dollars I would’ve needed to freeze my dna. If it were meant to be it would’ve happened. My future wife and I will begin our journey into parenthood when it is the right time. I know things will fall into place. Fertility options for transgender men can be found by clicking here. I hope this can help the next man out when it comes to making decisions about the future of having a family. Thanks for reading. 

*If you’re looking for transition related material click here.

*If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

Gentleman Swagger

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I would like to call myself a “gentleman in training”. When I see a woman coming towards me I’ll hold the door for her, or let her go first if possible. There are a multitude of different things that I’ll do for the ladies. I do have my moments of being a complete asshole to the general public when I’m in one of my modes though. I’m from NYC and I live in the hood. Many of the women in my community have disrespected themselves by being mean and nasty. I drop the door on them as often as I can lol. Call me an asshole but I’m no one’s stepping stool. As I come into my own as a man in this world I try to keep an open mind even when “thots” come through with their negativity and ghettoness.

I envision wining and dining my boo in a nice 5 star restaurant like The View dressed in a 3 piece suit. I would have my shiny gators on while she is wearing a nice evening dress with her red bottoms on. Pull her chair out to seat her while we dine on great food. I plan to treat my future wife like a princess.

An older ex coworker of mine explained women to me in a way that always stuck in my head. “Women are like flowers. They come in different shapes and sizes. They are delicate and need a tender touch and care”. Words from a true gentleman. This guy is from the “Old School” and many of his words have stuck with me. I’m very blessed to have had positive men around me that have taught me the foundation of being a good man.

This song has been my jam for today and speaks to my personality.
Thanks for reading.

*If you are looking for transition related material click here.

*If you’re interested in Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

Bottom Dysphoria Pt 1

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After speaking with a fellow blogger, I have come to the conclusion that I have not read a lot of material on the increased gender dysphoria that can occur. This is what happened to me after I had after my top surgery.

After waking up from my four and a half hour surgery, I was immediately pleased with my results as I had no more breast. My daily life had changed overnight as I got “sir” 100 percent of the time after this stage. The glow went away rather quickly as I started to judge myself. I was able to wear the shirts that I had wanted and they fit properly, but it seems the more I physically become a male, the need to get my bottom surgery gets intense. I hate the fact that I have to wait so long to get this stage done because I don’t have the cash. I got my top surgery covered by my mother’s health insurance 3 years ago. I aged out of the plan last year so now I am on state health insurance. In New York State, they cover the surgery but the rates in which they would pay Dr. Crane, he will not accept. In order to go to him I believe you must have a plan that has no insurance cap on gender surgery. Sighs…I will make it to him with time. I really want to own my own gym and be free of this feeling.

When I’m with a woman, I want to feel her and get deep into the experience. When it comes to me and these extensions that I am forced to use, I internally get very sad that I cannot feel and impregnate her. We won’t have that intimate moment in which we create life and I can watch her grow with our child inside her. It is a fantasy that I’ve lived with and will continue to have till death as this is scientifically not possible. Sighs…I need some science fiction ish to happen so I can be a biological father. I feel I would be content with adoption or my future wife having a baby and being the father to these children but who can be sure.

*If you are looking for transition related material click here.

*If you’re interested in Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

Gender Corrective Surgery: My Thoughts, Feelings and Everything Else

Lately I have been reading material that usually put a negative tone on genital surgery for men of transgender experience. I thought that surgery would leave me with an “insensate, floppy sausage” when I first started to research transgender material. As I grew wiser, I knew that the life that I have always seen for myself is possible. There are two procedures I am aware of that are available to transgender males along with variations to the procedures. The first procedure I learned about in 2011 was the metoidioplasty. My penis would be sculpted with the phallus that I have grown with the help of testosterone. The first two blogs I ever read contained information regarding it as they had the procedure done and dealt personally with Dr. Miro. The links to those websites can be found here and here. There were other doctors I found but what was consistent with him was his bedside manner and staff. I have heard nothing but good things about the way they try to accommodate you when you come in from other countries. Also he has done many of these procedures and I just felt comfortable with the idea of the surgery. It was the less invasive option and took less healing time. I was pretty keen on this for awhile as I learned I could get rid of the bits I have right now. With the exception I would most likely end up with no bulge in my pants and not be able to have penetrative sex without the use of certain positions and attachments. I have went back and forth with the idea of getting this procedure or not just to relieve some of the dysphoria that I have but that would mean more healing, time and money then I want to have to spend. So I began to look for other options and found out about phalloplasty.

Phalloplasty for men of transgender experience consists of taking tissue from your body to form a neophallus. You could use a variety of places including the RF(radial forearm), ALT(anterior lateral thigh), MLD(musculocutaneous latissimus dorsi) and a multitude of other flaps. These are the main ones that I have researched and looked into. When I found this procedure I knew, I could finally be able to have the body I always wanted. For myself I prefer to get the ALT procedure based on my wants and needs from the surgery. I have always been told to make a list and think about what you cannot live without. My wants and needs are as follows:

Wants/Needs

SENSATION!

Size

Penetrative Ability

Peeing standing up

Glans Sculpting

Balls

Hidden donor sight scar

My wants and needs are the same. I couldn’t budge when I thought “what can I live without?”.  Sensation is very important to me and I was told the RF procedure is the “gold standard” when is comes to functionality but the ALT is my top choice. This is due to the flap coming from the thigh area which I cover anyway. I do not plan on ever wearing a speedo so no one on the street would ever see it. This lead to me doing more research on surgeons and I found out about Dr.Crane. I found he had done his fellowship with Dr. Miro and other surgeons who could give me what I need. He does all of these procedures and more. I was instantly drawn to him and have seen his results. I believe they are phenomenal and I look forward to being able to go to him soon. I am in school at the moment but have taken city exams to find employment that will cover the procedure in full.  I met him at the Philly Conference and told him I look forward to working with him. He looked forward to working with me to attain my goals.

I can only imagine life after the procedure. I hopefully will be in a place of peace at least when it comes to my identity as a person. One thing that I have been told is that “life won’t give you more then you can handle”. These are the type of things I think daily to get me through my day. I hope this can help someone else.

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*If you are looking for transition related material click here.

*If you’re interested in Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

New Inspiration…

I went to the doctor’s office with my wifey for the second time. While sitting and waiting for two hours to be seen we were watching Judge Alex and Judge Joe Brown. I was seeing the cases that we were watching and wifey and I have come to the conclusion that people have no reason to go on these shows but to just spread their business to the world. Why would you want to publicly embarrass yourself on national television? The cases that were televised were nothing short of embarrassing to parties on the show.

Anyway the blood test I took in December came back negative for anything. I am still having my period so I was able to have my dose increased from .25 to .5 finally!!! I have also for the moment quit smoking weed and have tried to limit the amount of second hand smoke that I am around to let my lungs finally get some fresh air. I am feeling more and more proud of myself by the day as I make changes to myself to benefit me in the future. I want to be able to pursue my top surgery in the summer and I feel I will heal better being smoke free. I also had my knee checked out as it popped out of place a couple weeks back (Long story!!!). It is also fine which I am happy about so I wont be held back from unit 9 any longer. I am waiting though for my testosterone to get here. My clinic has a connection to Stroheckers Pharmacy in Oregon where it is 60.00 for a 10ml vial. Shipping is included in that price. My damn debit card is acting like a fool but I think it must have worked since they did not call me back. Anyway while at the clinic I spoke with Cris from CK Life and heard some great news for the future. I have also some more great news for myself. As I join my moms insurance next month through her insurance I will be able to have my top and bottom surgery covered!!! I am so excited to the fact that I may not pay a dime for these surgeries. I plan on having my top surgery this year during my vacation but we shall see what happens.If I do not hit my target weight by then I might extend my time to a little later in the year. Maybe the winter break will suffice. We shall see where life takes me.

I need some where to vent I feel like crying my eyes out as something fell on my wifeys eye and even though I am breathing a huge sigh of relief I feel responsible for this happening and I am just thanking the universe for sparing her eyesight. I cherish this girl and I hope to one day take the next step with her. I love her and I will not take her for granted. Well I am off to live my life and hug and kiss my wifey all day long.

TJ

Life Can Get More Exciting…

Well I have been slacking a bit with the updating of this blog. I know this for a fact because I have been blowing my computer off like crazy to be outside and live my life. But on to the good news. I got my prescription for T on June 20th. Even after a few mishaps with the prescriptions I got my T on Saturday June 25th. Just for the sake of someone else who may go through this you must know if you are listed as a female on your insurance your T will not be covered.  Also it is unlawful to get more than a one month dose at a Walgreens, Rite Aid, CVS etc. So without it being covered a months dose is 12 dollars at this pharmacy in Manhattan on I believe its 18th street and 8th avenue so go check it out.

So I took my first shot at .25 ml.  I am to take one every week. My wifey had to give it me because I was to scared to do it myself to be honest. We were in my room both a bit anxious and scared at the same time. Well that is how I interpreted the situation. She poked my thigh and pulled up the syringe to check for blood and then gave me my shot. Its a really low dose to start at to see how my body reacts to it. So far I have already had changes and I can not believe it works that fast on my body. Now it varies based on your genes whether or not changes will occur fast or slow so please do not get mad at me if anyone who reads this who starts T does not get anything for 3 months because we are all different.

The changes I have noticed is my sweat glands just do not stop. I sweated profusely and just yesterday I had to change my shirt as I had sweated it out. My sex drive has kicked into overdrive in some kind of way. I have a high sex drive already but now when I am horny and I look at my gf I just want to go in on her ass. I look at her and feel like I am hulking up when we are getting real intimate. I felt slight pain in my lower region but I was told that most likely it is due to the fact my dick is growing. I honestly can’t wait to see what it will look like after a few months on this T. I feel so much better about myself even after one shot because I know I am pretty much on my way to freedom and peace with my mind, body, and soul. I am going to work on getting real big for next summer. This winter I plan on investing in some dumbbells and such so I can work on my chest and biceps. During the summer I am going to drop the extra fat so i can build muscle in the winter. I want to be in tip top shape for when I get surgery. Well if anything else changes I will be sure to come back on here and jot them down. Well until then…

Peace

-TJ

No More Questioning

If I had any question as to whether I wanted to transition or not those doubts have sure went away with the coming of that dreadful “time of the month.” I am going to leave all of this questioning and irrational thinking to the hormones coursing through my body and I cannot wait to get my first T shot. That will be the first step I take towards getting my mind aligned with my body. The next step is figuring out how to get that penis I always wanted. I am getting turned off more by the day with the options that transmen have at the moment with bottom surgery. I want a penis that can get hard when sexually stimulated or just morning wood. I want to be able to ejaculate inside my wife. I sometimes wonder if I will ever be satisfied with anything that has to do with this transition process. Life could not possibly be any more worse at this time. I feel depressed and just down when it comes to my body. I hate to look at myself sometimes. I have been told that I am a decent looking person but I have never believed it. I still don’t to be honest. Maybe I am just being a bit negative with everything I am saying but it is hard sometimes to be positive in this world full of hatred. Maybe I do not want to be a man or a woman. I know though that I want to be percieved as a male though. If I had to choose, being seen as a girl is not for me. I do not like to get hit on by straight men who think they are going to “turn” me back to being a heterosexual when I have always felt like one in the first place but just in a different concept. I have always been a guy on the inside. I do not want to sleep with guys. I am in love with the female body for it’s curves and softness. For it’s sexyness and seduction is unlike anything some man can give me. I am in love with females but do not want to be one myself. I know for a fact I would love to be able to feel some tight pussy wrapped around my penis (if I had one smh). I would love for a woman to ride me until I nut inside her…I would penetrate her nice and deep till I fill up her walls and she can do nothing but scream to the top of her lungs…WOW! That sounds so sexy….Am I to much of a pervert for always thinking of sex? Maybe that’s the man in me talking lol.

I love sex…Anything to do with sex (with women) and it is always on my mind but I mean hey it feels good and it can be something that can change up your whole day into something positive. I mean maybe it is my gf who just makes me so addicted to the pussy that I can’t get enough. Yea I still have my wifey by my side. I love her and she is the best. She has done nothing but be there for me in my hard times. This girl is a baller for real and I can respect that. I want to be just like her when I grow up lol. As I watch her sleep though I wonder if she is thinking of me or is she caught up in the dream world and living out some fantasy that the universe wants her to see. I always wonder if she feels the same for me but then she does something crazy out of the ordinary and just makes all those doubts go away. Sighs…marriage may still be in the near future for me. After I transition legally I can get married to her. I can’t let her go…I REFUSE TO! I refuse to let some other guy or girl come scoop up one of the last good females left out there and I lose out to stupidity. HMMPH!!! I am not going to be one of those guys living who look back and want to smack myself in the face for losing such a great girl to arrogance. Well it is really early in the morning 3:57 to be exact and I am on here writing. I guess you never know when you will have the inspiration to write something from the heart. It has to do with the truth coming from my soul. I really feel like I am a man on the inside of this female body who is afraid to become who he really is due to the world’s biases and prejudice. A man who wants a real penis and not a piece of skin grafted from somewhere else to make it look legit. I do not want the bootleg. I want the real thing! Life can really be a bitch sometimes since I can’t get what I want. It is not possible at the moment. Hopefully when I am ready to pursue bottom surgery there will be an option out there for me to be satisfied with. I do not want to risk doing any kind of surgery till then because I am afraid I will miss out on any chance that I will have if I try to jump to soon. Well I am off this to lay up with my wife. Hopefully she will be my wife soon.