Abundance Mindset

I make my abrupt return to this platform developing myself into a new man.

I keep hearing of this “abundance mindset” from many of the everyday men that I talk to and watch online.

I am very good at having this mindset in other avenues inside my life. Unfortunately relationships wasn’t one of them.

Till as of late, I would have such a scarcity thought process.

Well this time again I was in love.

Love had me ignoring all the major red flags I should’ve seen in the beginning.

I saw the good in her regardless of her past. I’m learning that you need to pay attention to what someone has dealt with. It can be a factor later on.

There was also a lot of pain coming from both sides so I feel it added more fuel to the fire.

The therapist told us we could work it out but we stopped going.

I guess this will be one or those things that isn’t going to work because we gave up along with other issues of disrespect that was inside of the relationship.

I wasnt always the best to her but I loved her with all of me. I wanted us to be like that power couple I know we could have been but that’s dead it seems.

She just told me this week she had sex with someone during our breakups.

At first I was upset because of the thought of someone sleeping with my woman.

I couldn’t get the visual out if my head…

But then it occurred to me, I was not entitled to any type of loyalty at that time. I thought love would bring us back together with some time apart.

Shit Was I Wrong!

Soooooo much has went on in the last few months, I’m like damn I dont know how I’m going to fit this in one post. I plan on writing more as I get the power to share my truth.

Following all of my emotional outburst I began to have so much clarity as to what I’ve done wrong over the course of my life.

My mindset is not right…

I know this for a fact because all of my relationships have failed.

No!

I do not completely blame myself for what has occurred through all my life because that would be me not giving the assholes who have stumbled my way their fair share of the collapse.

I can be honest though and say I am not ready to be anyone’s husband.

This year alone has taught me so much in terms of the game in being a man. I have to take my position as such seriously and be a leader of a pack.

It means taking MYSELF more seriously as a human being but more so as a MAN.

This is so powerful. I didn’t even realize this due to my upbringing as a female.

I have been learning things as of late from men that are around me everyday. This includes the drug dealers, my barber, and my real estate mentor.

I feel all of these talks will make me not just book smart but street smart as a male.

I’ve been approaching women more frequently in my everyday journeys and I must say I’ve had some success with getting contact info and numbers.

There have been flakes and ones who are “gay” per se. This girl told me today that she “didnt do” men. She still offered me her number and wants to hang out.

I figured I’ll take the number because she may know others who like men like myself!

😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎

Another girl just didnt want to give me her number. That’s fine too. I got it out of the way. I forgot about her soon as I walked away. I hope I dont hit on her again!

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

This relationship self help blog that I follow speaks of women in the realist way possible.

“Every girl you pass could be a future girlfriend/fuck buddy. It’s up to you as a man to start the interaction just as it is your job to penetrate a womans pussy”

I never looked at my new found position as a man in society to this extent.

I see with more rejection it does indeed breed confidence.

Girls stop for me when I talk to them so I know I’m not butt ugly!

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

It’s still quite a barrier sometimes to speak to people and get over my codependency issues. I notice I still freeze up to talk to some women. I’m sure I’ll get over it as I do my daily approaches.

I feel like I still care to an extent much about what people think about me. Its something I deal with day to day.

However I have started to realize who I was and what I was capable of. My confidence has just soared as of late.

I see it like this. Whoever comes my way and it doesnt work out wasnt meant to be.

I used to put so much emotional emphasis on how I was making my partner/friends feel and not thinking of myself. That was the wrong idea.

It wont be happening any longer.

I am focused on my purpose and worrying about padding my bank accounts.

Something in me today breeded this post. I open my eyes wide and will let the sun shine in. The future is bright!

*If you’re looking for transition related material click here.

*If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

OMG! He’s Blogging Again

 

I’m done writing long drawn out blogs feeling sorry for myself because people don’t give a fuck.

FOR REAL THEY DON’T!

No one really gives a fuck till it affects them personally. It’s ok though. It’s only human nature to be selfish in order to survive and thrive. I just had to learn this myself.

Pain has encouraged my writing as of late. Keeping it raw and unedited gives me a chance to release all the negative energy on my heart.

I don’t want any baggage that can hold me back anymore. Being completely authentic and laughing in the face of adversity will be my goals from now on. Life is to short to be serious all the time. I use to think I needed approval to make decisions in my life. I also looked to others for my happiness, which was terrible in my book. 

Everything that’s come in my path I appreciate. I wouldn’t be me without them. I feel like life has given me a wake up call with the end of my relationship. I am not where I am supposed to be because of my actions and laziness. I met the woman who I feel regardless of her flaws is the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I just wasn’t ready for her. Being overly emotional and not holding myself accountable for my mistakes has led me here.

I flunked out of college the first time by my own wrongdoing. I lost my focus after my father passed away. It was hard for me to find the right path after he was called home.

 I was always told to do things and NEVER had to think for myself. This influences my thinking to this day. I am working on changing this to live the life that was meant for me. I’m working on saying “no” more and keeping myself happy.

*If you’re looking for transition related material click here.

*If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

Mindset

“You ain’t worthy, you see my love, you don’t deserve it
Can you take it, you can dish it, you can serve it, but when the tables turned on you, I’m wrong
When every man deserves happiness hey, I’m a dog, when you’re the reason that it happened all along
And I try to look past it, oh but its the, its the, its the things you do”

https://youtu.be/c6GAL_RxbfA


Oh I do so many things for you girl and still you wanna act a fool”

Writing will be updated periodically. The song says enough for now.

*If you’re looking for transition related material click here.

*If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

The Good Guy Always Loses…

I can talk for days on this topic and I plan on doing just that here (lol)I start with my experiences growing up around some of my male friends. My closest friends are cisgender. Cisgender means that they identify with their gender from birth. I was around a very interesting group of individuals. We would spend most of our summers together along with my brother from another mother attending high school with me for 2 years. I was exposed to heightened masculinity at its finest. We talked about “smuts, slides, and hoes” daily as this is what females were frequently called by the people around me. Girls were getting “popped off” on the regular. I never made any judgments of my friends. I attributed it to the testosterone coursing through their veins. The over sexualized hip hop culture that we grew up to love I believe had a part as well. I would see them pick up girls and toss them to the side usually with no feelings after the interaction. This is the very same thing I saw in the MTV show Jersey Shore the other day.

I was never an avid watcher of the show when it was actually on but I love it now. There were countless episodes with Pauly D and The Situation asking women “You DTF?” There is one particular comment from Pauly D’s mouth that really stuck with me. He said “It’s Saturday, we don’t have time to waste. If they not DTF I’m moving to the next.” Dude would have chicks on backup in case one didn’t show. He had numerous women flocking to him and was an asshole most of the time. Now “DTF” for people might not ring a bell. It means “down to f@€#.” These guys were praised for their attitude and it was attributed to just being guys huh? The world is so assed backwards at times. 

During the second season, Angelina was dating a guy named José. He was taking her out on dates and courting her. Even showing up to her job in a suit to give her a gift, he was the man girls dream of. 

Charming and sweet, he wanted to sweep her off her feet. When his birthday came after numerous dates and bonding, he was still not able to have sex with her. Giving a female gifts is not a prerequisite for sex, I know this. It just happens that she was an open whore on the side. 

Vinny (pictured above) was one of her roommates who disrespected her on a daily basis and even nicknamed her the “Staten Island Dump.” Guess which one of these guys got the goodies? 

It just goes to show you that it doesn’t always hurt to be bad. It does hurt in the long run though. Girls dig it in the beginning until they get played and then they ask “where are all the real men?” Well you over looked him for the asshole who you thought was better for you. Thanks for reading guys.

*If you’re looking for transition related material click here.


*If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.


“Dont Save Her…She Don’t Wanna Be Saved”

I have come to the conclusion that you can’t force anyone in life to do something. They have to make the decision within themselves to take action. The only real control I have in my life are the choices I make. Sometimes my emotions can get the best of me and I get in my feelings. This is me. I am a highly emotional being who has an attitude. When my bullshit detector goes off, I tend to get out of character. What I need to learn is how to better control my emotions to make better decisions. While I know this, I just can’t figure out how to do it.

As I go towards my 30th birthday, my perspective on life is changing quite drastically. I don’t want drama in my life anymore. I like peace and quiet. An old soul I believe myself to be. I just want to lay up and enjoy people and their company while shooting the breeze. 

I was watching Lottery Ticket and I started imagining how it would feel to be free. I don’t think my road to riches will be all that simple though. My ride up the ladder will be through Real Estate. I know this is what I want to do. I’ve been looking into programs at various schools for after I graduate from undergrad. In time the pieces will come together.


*If you’re looking for transition related material click here.


*If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

The Hottest Love Has the Coldest End

It was like the greatest high I ever felt…then you crash back down to the Earth. Harder then before…your heart is heavy from all the pain. I’ve been letting myself feel my emotions as of late. I cried today while listening to music. I want so bad to just have someone who won’t give up on me. A person who can be empathetic to my mistakes. One day I hope to be someone’s husband and baby father. Security is what I’m searching for now in my life. I don’t want to be around anything that doesn’t bring the best out of me at all times. I’m just tired of fighting. Seems like shit is always to the extreme and it’s pissing me off. I’m in my feelings right now and my mind is all over the place. I don’t know what to do. 

I don’t want love right now. The shit hurts too damn bad. I don’t want the emotions and everything that comes with it. 

I do miss the look in her eye when she tells me “I love you”. Holding her waist ever so gently and pulling her close meant the world to me. With those hips I saw one who could bear my seed and we raise them up together.  I would imagine a star studded wedding with me waiting for her down the aisle. I would see that white gown and tear up as I saw her coming towards me. I would tell her the vows that I wrote and hold her hand. Pulling the veil up to kiss those soft lips.  She becoming my Queen and I her King. I kneel before my bride and kiss her hand. I do believe now that all that was a dream. 

I hate feeling like I was set up. All she saw was herself. I hate how life flashes what I want in my face like some kind of a joke. I saw perfection while she saw deception. 


[Jhene Aiko – Chorus]
“You had to change up the game
Oh the weather is not the same
Now there’s only cloudy days
I can’t stand the rain in July
Oh July
There were fireworks exploding (exploding)
But now it’s getting colder
The leaves are turning colors
Why, it’s just not our season
The one and only reason
Baby oh baby oh
Our summer turned into fall

[Drake – Verse 2]
Damn, tell me where did all the magic go
I followed all the rules and told you everything you had to know
Had you over every night, every night was passionate
Plus you met my mother even if it was an accident
I’m confused tell me where we go wrong
I was sure that I would be with you so long
I was planning on this being something worth mentioning
Energy invested in someone I saw potential in
Who killed Chivalry they need to get their sentencing
Meanwhile we arguing and I can’t get a sentence in
And just as I predicted here we go again
They always say the hottest love has the coldest end

[Chorus]

[Jhene Aiko]
See its funny ’cause I never thought this would end but then the season changed
[Drake]
You were my, you were my, you were my girl (I was your girl)
Should’ve made, should’ve made, should’ve made you my World
Should’ve made you everything to make you happy baby
[Jhene Aiko]
Can’t wait for, can’t wait for, can’t wait for springtime
And I will turn into a butterfly
I will spread my wings and fly


https://youtu.be/G7m8dfVWLc8

*If you’re looking for transition related material click here.


*If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

My Truth

It’s time to take my life back. I can’t be the savior of every soul that hurts or cries for help. I need to better myself first. I’ve been in a failing relationship it seems for the past 14 months. I thought I had met my dream girl but looks aren’t apparently what they seem to be. We all have our flaws and issues to deal with. Some things are more tolerable then others. 

I am someone who has held in a lot of my anger over the years. People have treated me like shit while I just kept my mouth shut. With all of that I have put up a wall to bullshit. My ex from some years back left to go pursue her interests in “real men” while the next didn’t want to make time for me. The person that I was dealing with most recently thought it was ok to disrespect me. Doing things to me that she wouldn’t tolerate. See that’s what grinds my gears the most is when people do that. Why would you do things that you wouldn’t be okay with? Now I’m no saint and I have issues with my anger. I just figured someone who speaks of us being alike would understand where I was coming from. I feel like I put my heart out there for it to be stomped out. I felt most of the time my voice fell on deaf ears. Trust to me is everything. I am a man who is cheap and will look for a discount whenever possible. Everything included in business and services is negotiable in my book. So when I speak of being cheap with someone in particular my definition is me looking for any type of deal to still get the job done, make a person happy while keeping my pockets cool as well. I feel at times I wasn’t doing enough in my relationship because there would always be something wrong with her. It was never enough. This is completely toxic and shows me exactly who I do not want to become or be with. 

I do not think right now I am lovable or a suitable mate because of some of my ways and that’s ok. I’m sure there is time to find love or not. One of my mentors is over 50 and single. He loves life and is happy so I see it is possible to be alone and have happiness. One day I will find my love but right now I’m not looking. I am obviously attracting these type of women into my life so I have changes to make with myself to get better.

I am tired of looking like a damn fool when shit blows up in my face again and again. What I do know is that this isn’t my whole life. This is just today. When people from my past come to mind, I think about hitting them up. Then I think of the shit we went through and the fact that I have not gotten a phone call from them and I leave them where they belong. Going back to the days of the old school, the times where the Internet and social media were nonexistent. When you didn’t exchange numbers or information with people, you didn’t see or hear from them unless you come across said person on the outside. It’s better that way or God would’ve kept them around. No regrets…

*If you’re looking for transition related material click here.

*If you’re interested in my Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.