I am still in disbelief.
The world and everything that I created in my head from my past relationship was all fiction. There is no way that was my soul mate or true love that I have always been looking for based on everything that went down. Pain was something that connected us and than tore us apart with no chance of reconciliation.
I’ve been out here for years looking for another half to complete me. I now know that I’m not looking for another person to be the other 50% of my spirit. Whoever this person may be will be what I need in excess. I want to be 100% myself!
In fact now as I look back I’m left with scars all over my body from my skin being constantly submerged in the deepest parts of my own personal Hell.
The fire continues to scorch my skin as we speak during my current climb out of this hole of fire and darkness.
My dreams of marraige and kids dangled in front of me like a juicy fruit from a tree in hell.
These visions were all mirages and hallucinations that I would see coming from my own head to escape the torture I was receiving.
I took refuge away from the fire in the darkness.
The darkness was FULL with demons and monsters that tore me apart over and over again. Due to this I had to become a monster to defend myself. I have tapped into really horrible parts of myself that I did not know existed.
Slowly I have been pulling myself back together much stronger than when I was first initiated into evil.
With each step that I take upward, the pain of leaving is ever more intense and painful. Rest won’t come for me until I’m full out of the mouth of hell.
Traversing through both heaven and hell, I see I belong to neither side. I’m just me and I embrace both the light and the dark. You can’t have one without the other.
The pictures of fire and flames along with the man with the burnt skin are from the movie Spawn. I LOVE THIS MOVIE! I see myself and Earl Simmons have something in common. I was set out on a mission in which the journey led me down a dark path. I come out of hell with no memory of who I am.
I will use my new found abilities of the mind to create a bright future for myself turning all of the energy that I accumulated in darkness into light and life.
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