After being sober for most of New Years Eve, I took like 5 pulls of a blunt before I went to church.
(I go to church to support my wife. Not really keen on the religion scene but everyone has the right to believe in what they want)
It was SOOO gratifying to just feel myself slowly being released from the WEED MONSTER. I heard Lil Scrappy mention the weed monster some years ago on an episode of Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. He went to rehab to get a better grasp on his habit. It was hard to understand at first in my younger 20’s until I felt myself get hooked by it. There were so many mornings I woke up and couldn’t function without getting my wake and bake on.
It was FUN AS FUCK!
IT WAS A FUCKING ROLLER COASTER RIDE!
As I get older and wiser, I see how much I was consuming!
I notice how it could be a problem…
Along with any activities I did like going to school, beating off, (tmi I know lmao) hanging out with friends or even going to bed at night I had to smoke a blunt or 2.
I spent most of my 20’s with my Head in the Clouds….
I know to some that is horrible, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I learned so much. I was able to open and explore my mind beyond imagination.
As I get older though, I’m noticing my body ALOT more and how I function. I feel so foggy in the head when I wake up until I smoke. That’s NOT going to be my default feeling in the morning anymore. I am going to release myself from this demon and void in my heart.
I am going to smoke today but it will be on my terms. I smoke the weed not the other way around!
Starting in 2006, I used weed to fill a gaping hole in my heart. It grew exponentially into this massive black hole that has left me with such anger along with strong emotions inside me.
This blog will help me forgive myself so I can become the great man I will grow into with my 30’s over the horizon. I am not afraid of old age but I embrace it. I do not miss being a young teenager with low self esteem trying to find myself. It was fun being young with the perfect immune system and strong bones that heal in a couple months though. I do miss that as my bones now ache on the daily like an old person. I wouldn’t change it for the world because it means life is still in my body.
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