It’s been months since I’ve written. I can say this…there has been hell. I have been fighting this demon who is in turn a part of myself. I have helped to create this demon but in fact it’s presence has always been known. Love found it’s way into my presence right alongside hate. My life I feel at times is always to the extreme. There’s no middle ground. It can be blissful heaven or fiery hell.
Even with all of this going on certain events as of late have me reevaluating my life, I begin to understand (with some outside help) that I need to do 3 things in my life to facilitate change:
I need to ACKNOWLEDGE people and their feelings along with not letting the voice in my head be ignored. I can get feelings across without being arrogant and becoming a great looney when I don’t feel understood or heard.
Beginning to ACCEPT the things I cannot change, along with really listening to things that are said to me and internalizing it in a way where I can have a positive learning experience will be good for me.
Making some sort of ADJUSTMENT to my life so I won’t be so angry will be of great help to my life. I have to get the help that I need to control myself and make better judgment calls. I feel it will save my life/relationships in the long run.
So as of today I am taking my life back. No one (at least what I know of) has the ability to live an infinite life. I do not have time to waste. TIME waits for no one and I will be quiet no longer. I am so used to holding in my real feelings not taking care of things when they occur. As a man that will not happen no longer. I am taking my power back for myself.
I really want things to get better. I have some more hope for the future. I have to keep going with my head held up high.
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