After speaking with a fellow blogger, I have come to the conclusion that I have not read a lot of material on the increased gender dysphoria that can occur. This is what happened to me after I had after my top surgery.
After waking up from my four and a half hour surgery, I was immediately pleased with my results as I had no more breast. My daily life had changed overnight as I got “sir” 100 percent of the time after this stage. The glow went away rather quickly as I started to judge myself. I was able to wear the shirts that I had wanted and they fit properly, but it seems the more I physically become a male, the need to get my bottom surgery gets intense. I hate the fact that I have to wait so long to get this stage done because I don’t have the cash. I got my top surgery covered by my mother’s health insurance 3 years ago. I aged out of the plan last year so now I am on state health insurance. In New York State, they cover the surgery but the rates in which they would pay Dr. Crane, he will not accept. In order to go to him I believe you must have a plan that has no insurance cap on gender surgery. Sighs…I will make it to him with time. I really want to own my own gym and be free of this feeling.
When I’m with a woman, I want to feel her and get deep into the experience. When it comes to me and these extensions that I am forced to use, I internally get very sad that I cannot feel and impregnate her. We won’t have that intimate moment in which we create life and I can watch her grow with our child inside her. It is a fantasy that I’ve lived with and will continue to have till death as this is scientifically not possible. Sighs…I need some science fiction ish to happen so I can be a biological father. I feel I would be content with adoption or my future wife having a baby and being the father to these children but who can be sure.
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