Time Drainers

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I DON’T LIKE MY TIME BEING WASTED! This is something that I hate and I dont really like to use that word to describe anything because there’s such a strong emotional attachment to it. As I get older it become increasingly important to spend my seconds just as I would my money. I use what I can from experience to teach me what NOT to do in the future. One thing I have noticed is that people can be very selfish with their time but play with yours. I know how good of a person I am so I’m learning not to take crap from the world. I embrace my imperfections as strengths that set me apart from others. I can give off a “weird” vibe sometimes. I say weird because anyone I consider to be “Plugged into the Matrix” seems not to gel that well with me and that’s absolutely fine. I don’t like small talk or anything to do with the media. I feel it’s a waste of my brain cells when I hear others speak of “mindless” celebrities who don’t give a damn about them. Those “stars” push an agenda that I see has millions of people completely hypnotized and dumbed down because of it. When I see famous people, they make me want more of what they have. I can’t sit and watch an award show or reality tv with nice houses and cars and not feel more hungry for my dreams to come true. It makes me want to work harder to attain whatever it is that I want.

There are not many TV shows that I can sit and watch with out getting bored. When I do watch the tube though, I tune into “Property Brothers” on HGTV. I’ve watched Jonathan and Drew Scott remodel some pretty dismal cribs into dream houses. I see their passion for real estate through their attitude towards it. Being able to have fun while getting some serious money sounds like a dream that I will make come true for myself. I just have to figure out 1 way to change my life.

Im starting to see my own love for real estate as I become more knowledgeable about it. In between my classes and other things I plan on studying different types of property and sales in real estate.

This is my first blog since starting class and it has been such a roller coaster. Being full time is a whole lot different from my 2 classes last time around. I had a class cancelled on me and I was unable to log into my student email till today after a crazy run around. College and I have a love/hate relationship. I love to learn new things but the amount of work you must do is crazy. So far I’ve been managing so I expect a good semester. With maturity I have been learning to prioritize my work before play so I can get all A’s this time around. I want to bring my GPA up so I can transfer to a better school for law. Which means a lot less of lolly gagging and nonsense. I feel if I work now I’ll be able to play later much earlier then my peers if I put in the effort. I want my future wife to be able to take care of home without any barriers in the way whether it be children or just her own personal goals. The plan is make sure my future generations don’t have to struggle as much as I did to get to where I am which will hopefully lead to better opportunities for them. Those petty time wasters will not be invited to the party.

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*If you are looking for transition related material look here.

*If you’re interested in Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

“Think Big and Kick Ass”

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I have read 195 pages of Donald Trump’s book which I named my article after because I feel so powerful after reading his words. I was telling my mother “He is an asshole, but he knows how to make a lot of money”. The book helps you to understand a lot more about his character and why he acts the way that he does. He gets the respect he deserves because he DEMANDS it. ” It’s more important to be respected and feared than to be liked…” This quote hit home with me because I had always thought different. I thought respect would come from being nice and treating everyone accordingly. This is how I’ve had my feelings stepped on over and over again by people without even realizing it. His attitude of “When someone hits you, hit them back ten times harder so people know not to mess with you.” has defeated some ruthless foes. I have even thought of voting for the guy because I know he’ll get us out of debt if anything else because he is not scared to make tough decisions.

I see myself with great wealth and prosperity and I refuse to let anything stop me. That’s what separates the men from the boys…perseverance. My goals now are to put myself first before anything. My emotions and feelings matter to me the most. Life will bring me everything that I desire as long as I can let it in. I want more than what I have right now. I DESERVE IT! I realized I was going on a mini rant so I’m going to finish reading this book now.

In other news, I go up to my campus today to find out 2 of my classes have been dropped without warning. I should’ve known something was up when the teacher did not show up for the first day. I am beyond pissed off at how today has went but I am going to live. So far I have found 2 classes after 3 hours of searching for them. I am not happy with my schedule but I am not going to let this stop me from reaching my peak. I will have my empire.

*If you are looking for transition related material look here.

*If you’re interested in Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

Excitement!

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I woke up this morning to an ad on Facebook. It was for the New York Times. “Transgender Today” will be collecting personal stories for a series of editorials for transgender rights which will reflect our struggles and diversity as a community.

If you’re interested in submitting your story click here. It was really scary for me to share my experience with these people who I do not know but I remember a quote I posted in my Instagram account…

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I’ll leave you guys with positive vibes. Have a good day.

If you’re looking for more transition related material click here.

*If you’re interested in Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

“Death is the Last Chapter in Time but the First Chapter in Eternity.”

I havent seen many people talking about Aaliyah’s life today.14 years ago we lost a kind soul. One of the many people say are “gone to soon”. Have we suddenly forgotten the former Princess of R&B?

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Growing up this was my very first female crush. I was in love with her music, her ability to stay humble, and physical beauty. When I catch “Romeo Must Die” on television, I always stop to watch it to take in all of the positive energy she radiated during her career. I can’t say I have a favorite album because the 3 she did release to me were all hits out of the park but her self titled album “Aaliyah” to me meant the most. It could be nostalgic value it has to me since it was her last album. You died younger then I am now and for that I am grateful for life.

Sleep in Peace
Aaliyah
01/16/79 – 08/25/01

I’ll leave you with one of my favorite songs by her. Have a nice day and thanks for reading.

*If you are looking for transition related material look here.

*If you’re interested in Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

Letting It All Hang Out…

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I found this funny picture of this cat and couldn’t resist using it to express how vulnerable I’ve made myself to others by putting this blog out there.

My Claim To Fame

I love women. I knew from grade school I was “weird” at least in the eyes of the avid heterosexual back in the 90’s. It was around 3rd or 4th grade that I felt my first attractions to the female gender. My first crushes were 2 lightskin, fair-haired females who were pretty girls but into sports. My concept of beauty at that time was artificial. 

I remember the girls all calling me a “tomboy” as I got a little older now in junior high. I would wear windbreaker pants and vest. The outfit would be topped with the matching headband with the Nike check to the side. As I speak on in my last article here, I idolized Nelly ALOT. I always felt jealous of people who had confidence in themselves. I was never completely happy growing up as a teen female. I could never approach a woman the way I wanted for fear of rejection and ridicule. I recall an incident where a girl who was part of the rainbow crew in my school wore a “Barbie is a Lesbian” t-shirt and it sparked such controversy. You can look at this article here. It scared the crap out of me and chased me further into the closet.

For the next 2 years of my life I pretended to be someone I wasn’t. This included acting like I was attracted to the opposite sex with my loose girl clothes on. I hated the color pink and despised life for not birthing me as a male. I was a homophobe or at least pretended to be to fit in with my friends. It wasn’t up until I couldn’t take it anymore. I was living a great lie. Almost overnight my personality changed. I started to don a different color du-rag on the regular along with some of my dad’s old pants and loose t- shirts. I ended writing a letter to the main chick that I ridiculed telling her my true feelings and asking to be my friend. Long story short she ended up being my first girlfriend. She introduced me to a theater program formally known as “City at Peace NY”. It is now called the Possibility Project and can be found by clicking here. Here is where I learned I could be myself and opened up to the life of the rainbow. There were so many people like myself in the community and the support was rock solid. Even with all that it still did not feel right.

I did not feel somewhat complete until my freshman year in college after I bought my first prosthetic. There was an almost instant relief in my psyche. I could be intimate with a femele the way that I wanted which is through penetration. I would sometimes wear the device on a regular day because I liked how it felt between my legs. I attributed these feelings to “penis envy” and left it at that.

Fast forward about 5 years into around 2011 when I started to look up testosterone supplements. I saw pictures of women with muscular bodies who would dominate physical routines. I looked up the side effects of this stuff and they include some of the following:

Clitoromegaly (enlargement of the clitoris)
Facial hair growth
Deepening of the voice
Male pattern baldness

At the time there was no way that could happen. I thought “How would people look at me? What would my partner think?”. It was not until I was looking up an old friend when I found out my own truth. I saw him in transition and was amazed at his changes. I saw the acronym FTM in his gender category so I googled it and found so many guys who felt like me. The first blog I read was here at Ethan Daniels website. It took me to many other blogs and resources that I have used in my own transition. I learned that it was OK to be who I wanted to be.

Since then I have been on hormones and have transformed my body and spirit. I love who I am today and have had so much relief with my dysphoria as I see the man I want now but I still feel like I’m missing equipment. I want to have Bottom Surgery and I have explain the specifics on on a past blog here. My intimate life has gotten so much better the more I feel like “me” though so I can be a bit patient with this process. I will continue on till my physical transition is over and continue with my spiritual and financial growth. Thanks for reading.

If you’re looking for more transition related material click here.

*If you’re interested in Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

Next To Every Great Man…

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“there is an even greater woman”. I was sitting here about to write a blog about my celebrity crush Kandi Burress from Housewives of Atlanta when fate happened. I will write about her later and post here.

I received a phone call from my wonderful significant other who happened to be in distress. It’s sometimes hard to get time to talk because of our distance but I appreciate every moment we spend together. I hope I made you feel better honey, just as good as you made me feel today. After our talk this morning I know I found a diamond in the rough. Words like “I know you are capable of doing whatever you put your mind to” graced my ears after my over excessive ranting about ungrateful and selfish people in my life. I love you for your ability to sooth the dragon when it’s raging. You put up with my nonsense and wavering temper and let me know that I put myself in these situations and have no one to blame but myself. I have “learned to learn my lesson” and won’t be making the same mistakes twice. I don’t trust many so easily and I’m not feeling as nice. My heart is hardening with each day that goes by because the world isn’t as peaceful as it seems. I yearn to find my sanctuary and peace of mind on a daily basis as I work towards my goals.

I’m going to leave you with a link to a life changing post that I read today posted here by Healing United Movement. Thanks for reading.

*If you are looking for transition related material look here.
*If you’re interested in Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.

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The Names Bond…James Bond

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OK so I’m not the 007 agent from Mi6 whose classic swagger has saved his life and others over and over again. I am however living my life as a male of transgender experience. Living this life fairly stealth in the beginning to me was stressful at times. I am in a heterosexual relationship with a cisgender female whose family does not know my past and we plan to keep it that way. Cisgender for example means that she associates with her gender from birth. This is one of those subjects that can be very touchy. I’ve heard “you are being deceptive” and “why not?”. Well my girl is very adament that they dont need to know so im happy she is by my side. This is a personal choice you would have to make when dealing with In-Laws. I am not so avid to keep this side of me a secret anymore but I don’t wear a sign on my head either.

I am fairly far into my physical transition as I am around 4 years on testosterone and have had great changes to my body. I’ve also had top surgery which you can look at here. I love the changes I have had and continue to get more confident in myself as the days go by.

*If your looking for transition related material click here

*If you’re interested in Entrepreneurial endeavors, take the next step here.