Not sure about anything…

I actually tried to write this post before but it got deleted so it will probably be different then the original post because I do not remember what I wrote. Anyway I have been thinking on all the options on bottom surgery for female to male transsexuals and I have come to this very stale conclusion: I have no clue what I really want to get in general right now with this surgery. I want some kind of idea so I can put my thoughts and time into the type of surgery I want. I have made a list of wants, needs and negotiable things that I feel I want from this surgery and somehow it leads me to nowhere. I still do not feel satisfied with what is offered to me at this time. I want an adult sized penis which I can penetrate a vagina with but with natural male erections. I would like it if I did not need to have an erectile device or even a skin graft because it can leave scars or even deformities to the area where the graft is taking from and I am a bit scared. I have never wanted to go under the knife in my life but it seems inevitable being a transman. There are sacrifices I am going to have to make. I know of this already but the question is am I man enough to handle this? I do not know right now what is going to happen to me in the coming months but I hope they are positive.

I love my girlfriend. This very strong female that the universe has blessed me with is amazing. We know we have work to do. Our relationship is not perfect but I hope to one day make all of her sacrifices, bumps and bruises all worth it in the end by expressing nothing but unconditional love for her and everything that made her who she is. I have to treat this woman like the queen that she already is in my eyes. I hope to one day marry this girl. I hope I do not mess this up. Well I am off to continue on my journey of life. Ill be back.


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