I went to the doctor’s office with my wifey for the second time. While sitting and waiting for two hours to be seen we were watching Judge Alex and Judge Joe Brown. I was seeing the cases that we were watching and wifey and I have come to the conclusion that people have no reason to go on these shows but to just spread their business to the world. Why would you want to publicly embarrass yourself on national television? The cases that were televised were nothing short of embarrassing to parties on the show.
Anyway the blood test I took in December came back negative for anything. I am still having my period so I was able to have my dose increased from .25 to .5 finally!!! I have also for the moment quit smoking weed and have tried to limit the amount of second hand smoke that I am around to let my lungs finally get some fresh air. I am feeling more and more proud of myself by the day as I make changes to myself to benefit me in the future. I want to be able to pursue my top surgery in the summer and I feel I will heal better being smoke free. I also had my knee checked out as it popped out of place a couple weeks back (Long story!!!). It is also fine which I am happy about so I wont be held back from unit 9 any longer. I am waiting though for my testosterone to get here. My clinic has a connection to Stroheckers Pharmacy in Oregon where it is 60.00 for a 10ml vial. Shipping is included in that price. My damn debit card is acting like a fool but I think it must have worked since they did not call me back. Anyway while at the clinic I spoke with Cris from CK Life and heard some great news for the future. I have also some more great news for myself. As I join my moms insurance next month through her insurance I will be able to have my top and bottom surgery covered!!! I am so excited to the fact that I may not pay a dime for these surgeries. I plan on having my top surgery this year during my vacation but we shall see what happens.If I do not hit my target weight by then I might extend my time to a little later in the year. Maybe the winter break will suffice. We shall see where life takes me.
I need some where to vent I feel like crying my eyes out as something fell on my wifeys eye and even though I am breathing a huge sigh of relief I feel responsible for this happening and I am just thanking the universe for sparing her eyesight. I cherish this girl and I hope to one day take the next step with her. I love her and I will not take her for granted. Well I am off to live my life and hug and kiss my wifey all day long.
I have been unemployed for a while and in my search for financial wealth and prosperity I have stumbled upon a bunch of websites that pay you for your opinion. I have learned the power of my words and have been making quite a bit of money on these sites. If you are looking for a link click on these links below and give it a go. I will add more over time as I find them. I will get no where being greedy. Just sharing the wealth.
It is a point in time when everything you thought you knew or had in your control is leaving. When you enter into a place of the unknown where you are at life’s mercy. I want to be happy ,do cartwheels, throw a fist into the air. On the other hand I want to cry, curl up into a ball, run into my mom or wifeys arms and be held like a little boy. I feel so much like my childhood is ending and the feeling is oh so bittersweet.
I actually wrote that last paragraph when I thought I was leaving in a mere 4 days for my job program. I am going to be leaving for unit 9 in a couple more weeks now as I had the time extended to handle my health and financial issues before I am thrown to the wolves. My mom has offered to help me with such endeavors I guess to make the process as smooth as possible for me. I am so blessed and cursed to have the mom that I have but I guess I could not have asked for any better. She has given me what she could and I appreciate everything that I have been given and obtained from her. I feel I will miss this life when I am gone but I must continue to move forward and live through this life the best I can for me and my future family.
I have been kind of baffled about this idea for while. Now I am not talking about the privilege of a man and a woman holding hands in the street, I am talking about my girlfriend who seems to be more open with her sexuality when it comes to having sex with a man. I have always wanted to get it on and have some crazy sex escapades with my wifey but it seems if I was a guy she would want to do more things with me then me now as a female. It does not seem fair in my book but what can I do or say? My penis will seem to have more privilege than my vagina but that is fine because it is soon coming. I was watching Friends on tv with my wifey and another instance of this heterosexual privilege is my wifey telling me she may have sex with me in the bushes if I had a penis. I mean wow. To me this is very mind boggling. I cannot complain I guess because all this may come my way anyway. My penis in a sense will set me free.
I actually tried to write this post before but it got deleted so it will probably be different then the original post because I do not remember what I wrote. Anyway I have been thinking on all the options on bottom surgery for female to male transsexuals and I have come to this very stale conclusion: I have no clue what I really want to get in general right now with this surgery. I want some kind of idea so I can put my thoughts and time into the type of surgery I want. I have made a list of wants, needs and negotiable things that I feel I want from this surgery and somehow it leads me to nowhere. I still do not feel satisfied with what is offered to me at this time. I want an adult sized penis which I can penetrate a vagina with but with natural male erections. I would like it if I did not need to have an erectile device or even a skin graft because it can leave scars or even deformities to the area where the graft is taking from and I am a bit scared. I have never wanted to go under the knife in my life but it seems inevitable being a transman. There are sacrifices I am going to have to make. I know of this already but the question is am I man enough to handle this? I do not know right now what is going to happen to me in the coming months but I hope they are positive.
I love my girlfriend. This very strong female that the universe has blessed me with is amazing. We know we have work to do. Our relationship is not perfect but I hope to one day make all of her sacrifices, bumps and bruises all worth it in the end by expressing nothing but unconditional love for her and everything that made her who she is. I have to treat this woman like the queen that she already is in my eyes. I hope to one day marry this girl. I hope I do not mess this up. Well I am off to continue on my journey of life. Ill be back.
I can say for a fact that since this year has started it has already been eye opening for me to say the least. I didn’t come up with this title for no reason. My new year started around my birthday where I have cut off a lot of the old ties that I had to the past. When I started to realize my summers were becoming a blur in my head, it got to me. I could not tell the difference as all my summers started to seem like a time warp. The only things that could be deciphered from them that was different was the negative addictions that were added to the already hostile group of people. The drama never seemed to end as there was only a quiet lull in between all of them. I was almost certain every year when the drama would arise and now that I look at it none of that was ever good for me in any way. It just taught me to be very picky in who I choose to call “friend or family”. The family that I thought I had left me in the desert by myself to die so to speak. It is like all the things I have done for people in my life just did not matter to them. After finally seeing the light I have decided to move forward and take with me the people who have been there for me through it all
In terms of my transition. I have been off of T for a couple weeks now. I am kicking myself about it but I will be patient. When I go back to the doctor next week I will be going to order my big vial of T for the first time. This should last me awhile as I leave for Unit 9 soon. (This is code and an insider for me and wifey only) Even off the T, I have noticed that my hair is growing in on my face. My gf noticed I have light hairs mixed with dark ones all over my face and I have decided before Unit 9 to start to get shape ups again and get these sideburns in check. My penis feels very nice when it is stimulated. I am loving the growth I have currently but I would like more so I can penetrate. Eventually things will happen for me. If not then it was not meant to be.