I am freaked out, turned on, and curious at the same time. Well this morning I woke up to feeling up my girlfriend. I did not realize what was happening till I fully woke up to basically having dry sex with her. I could have sworn I was dreaming and that is what kinda creeps me out as I have no recollection to what I dreamed about. I heard moaning and encouragement while I was still half asleep to continue to touch her. She also recalls dreaming about sex as well at the same time and I guess I was in a dreamlike state and drawn to her as she was sending me subconscious signals and we had soul sex. I mean I dont know I am just rambling on but I need to get this out my system. I know for a fact that my girlfriend in my eyes is very sexy and I get turned on by no one else but her. She has the ability to get my dick hard by just giving me the eye and I enjoy it. She does have some control of me and my very high libido but not total. I love her and this is why I guess its okay. I am indeed craving some real intimacy but I guess that will happen in time.Anyway in terms of my transition I have seen a little growth in my penis. I know I will see more results when I finally get my pump. I have a feeling im going to have a nice sized penis in time. I am in no rush to create perfection for myself.I am looking to get my surgery done by Dr. Miro either way if I get a meta or an mld phallo since he does both of these procedures. I will go to miro if I can save some money to go because im not sure if he is covered by insurance seeing as he is not an American surgeon. I hope to be leaving for school soon so I can go on with my life and my transition.
I am becoming a hairy wolf as well. My gf tells me about my hairy back all the time. It has started to get to me a bit because I didnt want to be to hairy but im taking it as it comes. Another thing I wanted to point out was my change in orgasm. I have felt like I was floating off the ground as my orgasm was very intense and much stronger then before especially if I have one in the first few days of my shot. I hope to be able to keep this capability after I get my surgery. My decision has changed a bit as I am thinking about get a meta first just to see how much I can get out of my own penis before I start grafting any skin from my body. Its just an idea to maybe put less stress on my body and to see if I can handle just having that in the beginning. We shall see where life takes me. I am not sure what surgeon I would go to but I will find out soon.
It has been a very long hiatus from here and so much has changed. I am currently unemployed and looking for my calling in life. I really do not want to just jump into a job because of money. I want to get up every morning and be motivated and excited to get up and go make my money. I do not want to be in a cubicle or work for anyone else ever again for that matter. I do know that before you can be the master you have to be the student first since I was not born with a silver spoon in my hand. I have to work from the turf up to build my 30 floor skyscraper. I really want to get into real estate but have no idea how to do it the right way.
Well let me get off ranting about my life. In terms of my transition. I have been off t for 2 weeks. I ran out of meds and had no money to get more till recently and Saturday I will back on it. I am excited to see more changes happen. I am not as horny and have had a break from all the pimples and sweating. That is the best part of being off the hormone for some time. I can see the difference it makes to be on both sides of the spectrum. It feels like a blessing to have this opportunity to
have lived the life of a young woman and grow into and adult male. I like the way my arms are coming along. They look like
they are getting a nice cut to them but it seems like my stomach
is very stubborn like its owner. I plan on this winter to keep
busy and work out. I want to be muscular in the next two summers.
As for my voice sometimes I can sound like a little girl then a
pubescent boy. It can be depressing that my transition is moving
a bit slow but hey I was told it may take 5 years to get where I
want so time to play the waiting game.
When it comes to surgery I am really starting to look at bottom
surgery very seriously. New techniques and forms are coming
together very quickly as I would have hoped and maybe just maybe
I will end up with a naturally erecting penis. I want a phallo to be my end result though. I am considering a meta first though to be a stepping stone but I feel I have plenty time to think about it. Anyway
I am not really to sure anymore which type of phallo as I come upon more information I have been left kind of clueless. It will
be a few more years till that happens but It is well worth the
wait to see more advancements.
I couldnt have imagined that I would be where I am today 10 years ago. My life has changed so rapidly in time that it is mind boggling to think of. since I was 13 I have lived as a so called “tomboy”, lost my virginity to both a man and a woman, come out the closet as a lesbian, lose my father (Rest In Peace), and come out as Transgendered person. There is far more in between but I guess these are the milestones which were in my heart the ones that affect my life the most. I sometimes wonder where in my life did things really change. It seems life has a plan for me and not the other way around. What I will miss about my life as a youth is the amount of leisure time I had to just chill with my friends and lover.
In terms of my transition I believe I stated that I feel I am at a plateau. I mean I like the way my shoulders and my arms are looking. I have a a bit more muscle definition then I did pre t. I am stronger I know this for a fact but I know it wont really start to show till I start to work out hardcore which is what I plan on doing once I leave for school. I want to have a running back body and I plan on getting that. I have this new found goal of maybe once day entertaining the idea of being in the NFL. We shall see how life works out for me. On to the next…I just took my first T shot in 2 weeks and Im feeling good. I know I am on my way to that goal of being who I really am. Well till next time when I have some more inspiration to write.