I saw my ex girlfriend yesterday. Now it was not very awkward at all to me because I have moved on with my life and her past actions have made me fall out of love with her. In the beginning of my current relationship I even thought to leave R for J to try to win back her love. Now as I look back I couldn’t have imagined how stupid I sounded with that coming out of my mouth. J and I go way back to junior high where we met. We even went to high school together where we fell in love. I am so glad R made me come to my senses. She has went out of her way time and time again to prove that she deserves that title of Wife and there is no logical reason in my mind to even put myself out there to anyone else but her.Now family and friends who are like family do not count when I say this as I will do what I need to do for them regardless but this girl I have by my side is very special. She said to me today she hopes I take her advice and I will. I have to leave that girl alone and just be cordial to her. Every time I try to put myself out there to try to rebuild our friendship she does something real susmatic that I can’t explain to my gf and I look like a jackass. I REFUSE FOR THAT TO HAPPEN ANYMORE AS I AM DONE WITH YOU FOR ETERNITY. I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE ONE BUT YOU WERE JUST A STEPPING STONE TO SOMETHING BETTER!!! I have to move on in my life and put my energy into matters that matter so to speak. Like my wife, my mom, my new found program and progression. I have to finally realize I can’t take everyone with me in my life. I need to grow up.
I guess I got too happy to soon when it comes to my period. It came late after around 42 days of freedom. I cannot complain getting it really late. I am looking forward to when I will not have to worry about having to carry around a pad or bleeding randomly.
Anyway I have been leaning how to throw and hit the tennis ball with my left hand. Just another thing I am trying to do to challenge myself mentally. I like to go and play racket ball at the park as it gives me a chance to have a bit of freedom for a little bit and take my mind off of life and the stresses it can bring. Stresses including the idea of having to take care of yourself and to maintain. Lately R has been asking me if I want to move out my house. Anyone who feels they are coming into their own and want independence from their parents so to speak will want to be more independent. Moving out is one thing that will show my family I am more of an adult. The downside of course would be moving to fast without being set. That leaves the possibility of having to come back. When I move out I want to have a car and a nice job/business to keep me afloat. I want to also be able to take care of myself if need be. With this job I cannot handle a house or apartment by myself which means to me that I am not ready to leave. I also want to have completed top surgery before I go anywhere so I can automatically be seen as a man where ever I go and not as a female like here at home now.
Well this is not transition related but worth writing about. My wifey and I were chilling on the couch in my house when it started to rain. R got the idea of putting laundry detergent on a dirty rug outside since it was poaring rain. The idea was maybe with all the rain it would wash and also dry outside. Now she tells me she is going to be my umbrella woman and hold it for me when we are outside. The funny thing is when we go outside we realize the rug is still under the balcony and needs to be moved into the rain. Now I am the one who picks up the rug and walks into the rain while my umbrella woman stands there like she is watching adventures out of a rain forest. Wifey and I got a good laugh out of that. Even though she left me high and dry, I love her with all my heart.
Changes I have been having as of late have been small. Well to me I guess they are small lol. I am growing more hair on my body and my clitoris is getting more sensitive. I am also horny like crazy but I have already dedicated a blog to that so I wont get into to much detail. I have also gained weight. I was told it could be my body turning some fat into muscle. I really hope so. Anyway off to live my life.
So for the past few days I have been smacked like no other. Me Jin and t smoked about 16 brown cigarettes in the past 3 days. Now that probably sounds like I’m going overboard but oh well do not judge me. So as far as changes go I have been getting acne. It has been worse but I believe this is t related as my face has not broken out like this in years but I have been making sure to scrub my face everyday at least twice, wipe my face with alcohol and put some pimple medication on top of the affected areas. Life seems to be good otherwise. No adverse affects from the t so far that I can be happy about. It’s just the beginning so I pray for longevity and health. I don’t plan on bottom surgery for awhile again as I am not satisfied with what is out right now. I hope that soon that they tweak that mld phallo to my liking then maybe I can rock with that because the scars are under your arm where I seem to have enough fat to spare. I want a nice thick penis. I have been thinking about 6 to 7inches but that may be to big. It’s not really the size that makes the man I want to believe but for me all that surgery won’t be worth it if I am not able to penetrate and have sex with a woman the way I want and that is through vaginal intercourse. I want to also cum inside a woman. That is probably sick to some but I would like to creampie my wifey. Things like that men take for granted. I wish I could do it to a female. It would cost me around 100,000 to get what I want and need for bottom surgery. Minus the ejacualtion from a penis. This technology does not exist at the moment. My dream would be a penis grown from my DNA. That could cost a million dollars in the future but I would pay whatever to get one of my own. Well off to watch the bad girls club. That’s my ish.