So as of late I am the horniest I have ever been in my life. I can say that my already high sex drive has increased 20 times more then before T. My clit has grown a little bit more and throbs like crazy. I do not understand how any man lived through puberty as i am ready to go insane with how much sex I want. It’s just not any sex I crave though. It’s the desire to be with my wifey. She is a very beautiful carribbean princess that I want so badly. Her pussy has the capability to have me in a trance for days at a time if she really wanted to. I have never met anyone who could put it on me like her. I can say that cuz I have been with quite a few females in my time but the physical, mental, emotional feelings were never there all at once.
So I am at home by myself. This has become a daily occurrence for me as I wake up in the morning with my mother already gone to work. I miss her sometimes. I guess I didn’t fully appreciate all the time I spent with her as a child when she did not have a job. She took care of me at home while I was little as I believe she lived at her parents house in my early years. I sometimes get to spend time with my wifey R when she works in the afternoon. If not, she leaves the house a couple hours after my mother and works 6-8 hours at a time. As you can see I have a lot of time to my lonesome. I do get lonely but being an only child in my younger years has helped me learn to cope with being alone. I have my ps3 to play but its not interesting anymore because I do not have the game Infamous which I really want. I sometimes hate being jobless because I can’t buy all the things I want all at once but my mom taught me patience which is something I am having to use for almost everything in life at this point. I am a transitioning African American who lives in the hood. (Smiles) I wouldn’t have it any other way. I was raised here and have come out pretty decent I say. Anyone who blames the hood for making them completely who they are can just blame being weak-willed for letting a place and other people on the outside of themselves control them. I am going to do my thing regardless of what any of these people think. Wow I guess I am maturing. I would’ve never thought I would have the courage to feel and say all things I want to say.
Anyway I am on unemployment and getting paid every week. It can get depressing I feel because it is not enough for my lifestyle. I want 3 cars and a big house. I want to go on vacations every summer and have free time. I do not want to be stuck at a job with hours given to me for the next 30 years of my life. I want to have my own hours and make all the money back. I am worth more the some wage an hour. I am giving up my valuable time that is not infinite to someones company and helping them keep their millions of dollars. Why can’t I do the same? Now I do not want to make jobs that are similar to slavery but similar to those big name jobs. Everyone treated fairly and given time off if earned. I want my employees to learn the value of work but have lives at the same time. I want my company to be somewhere where I would want to work if I ever wanted to join the workforce which I don’t so I guess I will never know. I plan on going on employment next summer so I can have free time then as well with the luxury of still getting paid.Well I am off this to watch some transition videos on youtube. I plan on taking my own videos off private real soon. No idea when but soon. Off to live my life….
I have never felt so in tune with myself in my life. I am starting to love myself to the fullest. I am proud to wake up in the morning and just be myself. I couldnt have asked for more accepting people in my life. I was actually talking to my brother J from upstate and he just gave me more confidence then I think he knows with his words. WHY SHOULD I BE OBLIGATED TO TELL ANYONE ANYTHING??!!! It ‘s my business. People will find out as they see changes. Anyway back to transition things…
My wifey gave me my shot on Saturday because as she says she saw me suffering trying to give myself the needle. I swear I thought it would get easier after the first time but I guess apparently it doesnt. I will be skirming everytime I have to give myself the shot I guess. Well changes I have noticed that is that my clitoris has grown bigger but I guess that is also due to it being accustomed to suction action if you get my drift. I am sweating through every t shirt I wear as well. My body already I believe is shifting fat as my sides are more straight like a male. I do not know if it is due to the T or because of the exercise I have been doing. It may be both but I am thrilled they are finally disappearing.I am growing stronger as I take every shot. I can lift more then I ever could lol. Well if anything else I will come back and update till then…
So today I gave myself my T shot. Just me writing this is surreal to me because I was fucking petrified to give myself that shot. I sat… smoked some weed and then I took the needle and got it ready. I got in the shower and washed myself up then went and sat in the chair in my room. I looked at that needle with fear and anticipation because I was not one to inflict pain on myself. I had to poke myself 3 or 4 times, had blood come out followed by me wiping the spot with alcohol about 20 times before I could even get the needle close by my skin again. I would keep saying to myself “How can you be a man and you can’t even poke yourself with this needle?”. “Why is this so hard?” over and over again for about 30 minutes. I would look at my gf and think to wake her up to tell her to do it for me but I looked at the needle and finally did it. I felt my skin breaking around the needle and the quick sting of my flesh being invaded. I then pulled the syringe up to check for blood and then injected the T. It hurt like hell for 2 seconds while I pushed my thumb down and watched the liquid going into my body. I cannot even explain the feeling after I finished giving myself the shot. After it was over I felt accomplished and a wave of relief went through me as I realized it wasn’t that bad. Now I am writing this blog and the spot where I injected less then a hour ago is becoming sore and is nothing more but a mere memory.
I never thought I would be injecting myself with a needle when I was 22 years old. Seems like life has its own plans for me and not the other way around. As changes start to accelerate I will write them on here to keep my own progress as well as for the anyone who reads this who may be interested in transition or just bored looking for interesting read. Well back to reality.
Peace is Love