So lately I have been having second guesses about T. I am so glad that my appointment isn’t now till June 10th that I could potentially start taking testosterone. I feel I needed this new found time to think more into pumping myself full of artificial chemicals so to speak. It is not my hormones in my body naturally so these are considered foriegn to me, and it could potentially have bad side effects. Now T will potentially make me stronger, give me a more masculine appearance and make my dick bigger (yea I said MY DICK SO WHAT!). The downside is the crazy hair growth on the body and the potential for male pattern baldness. This is what I am afraid of. I do not want to lose my hair. It is a symbol of me and it makes me different. A lot of people dont do the braid thing anymore so I feel different by still having hair and my baby keeps it fresh. I would hate for the hair braiding ritual to end. I love the way she runs her fingers through my hair even if sometimes I can be really tender headed. That means in case anyone doesn’t know that my scalp can be really sensitive to tugging and pulling on it. But I want a penis so honestly the hair can go bye bye for all I care.

I just want to get bottom surgery in the next 5 -10 years. I can only imagine what my penis would look like after maybe 5 years on T and after whatever surgery I choose to have. I plan on starting to pump (if I still continue down the road of T) as soon as humanly possible. I hope to have my girlfriend help me pump as well ;-). I hope that can make the experience a bit more fun for me because I heard that sometimes to pump can leave you a bit sore if you do it to hard or try to put to much pressure on your penis. I am a work in progress and I cant wait to see how everything turns out. I want my penis to be able to get erect on its own and want a 5 to 6 inch penis. This leaves me with the option of getting a metoidioplasty.

This procedure according to Hudson’s Guide takes advantage of your penis growth due to the the testosterone. Now I don’t want to have skins grafts done sculpted off of me like with phalloplasty so this the procedure I am most looking into. Now pumping should help with the size and help me to achieve a more natural thicker penis. There are not many options for FTM’s when it comes to bottom surgery and I refuse to get anything that I wont be satisfied with. Well I am off to do some more thinking and live my life. I’ll be back to post more later as more comes to me.


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