Supernatural is one of my favorite shows and Dean is my guy. I feel like I can relate to him in terms of stubbornness and using alcohol (well I don’t really drink I smoke) to numb some of the painful experiences I’ve had. I have come to know life as one long moment in time that I’m supposed to leave my mark but then what? What happens after that? I pray for eternal life with my immediate family and soul mate. I pray for happiness in my soul.
I wish that I was born a boy. I know that statement is random but its how I feel and it’s what this blog is for. I have sex with my girlfriend and it’s so good. I mean honestly there is no word to put on the experience I have with my wifey but I know it can be taken to the next level if I had a penis. I want to feel her insides…I want to feel her pussy opening and closing around my dick…I want to thrust deep inside her and give her what any cisgender male could…a baby. It hurts my heart and soul just thinking that we can’t conceive a child together because I love her so much and would want her to give birth to my kid when we are mature enough.
April is almost over and I couldn’t be happier. If my labs come back good I can start T on May 23. I’m so looking forward to my first shot and to being reborn into the person I should’ve been from the get-go. Everything happens for a reason I guess huh?
So I failed my road test. I’m so upset right now at myself for letting that happen. I walked all the way home from the driving place furious. The lady from the dmv just had this attitude about her and I’m tight that it would be me stuck with the bitch who wants to be a hater today. It’s all good though. I am going to try again soon and when I get my chance I’m going to ace that test Believe Me!I dont have anything else interesting to say. I have no inspiration right now for really anything. Not really in positive spirits overall though but I guess I have my health if nothing else. I wake up everyday to more and more bs. I just cant help this but im starting to get used to nonsense happening. Well I’m off this to grieve my lost.
So I’ve been trying to have a new outlook on life lately which I believe I has been working. Thinking positive and just doing me is what I needed. I went down to Callen Lorde on my own time to file for insurance. After receiving a bill in the mail for labs that I took recently, I saw that this was a bit pricey. I now look at insurance as a blessing to have. Ill be able to get my prescriptions and such so I’m really happy for that. Tomorrow is my last driving lesson and Wednesday is my road test. Im so looking forward to getting my license and then starting T. Life seems to be looking up for me at least for this moment. I can sit back and take a breather. I need to pay homage to my wonderful mom and beautiful wife for how great they are being right now. Both of these angels in my life have been there for me as much as anyone could be and I love them both so much for their sacrifices and time spent with me when things get real rocky. After I have more updates with my appointments, T, etc I’ll post some more stuff.
I feel lifted lol. Well I went to Callen Lorde on Wednesday and I couldn’t have expected better. The doctors and the people there are amazing. I instantly felt like I was at home with those people. I go back next week and I’m so excited! I get to meet the therapist who will basically tell me if I’m ready for T or not. I feel like im ready. How do I know if im not ready unless I try? What if this person thinks otherwise? What if I just change my mind after the first shot? There are many questions going around in my head. I just dont think anyone can tell me if im ready or not. Im out of here im going to live my life for real.
So i’m not going to school the end of this month (yea I know it crazy!) but I am taking my road test that day which is exciting. I will finally be able to ride on the open road into the sunset. I don’t know if driving is that exciting but I mean hey can’t a person have an imagination? Anyway today will be my third lesson and I will get to see if i retained any of the information from the last 2 lessons. I’m pretty sure that I will pass my lesson I just have to have that confidence in me that I know I have.
Now when it comes to my transition tomorrow is April 6th, the long day I have awaited for to go to Callen Lorde. I’m really not all that excited as I have found another place that I have felt has reached out to me already without me stepping foot inside of it. The organization is called CK Life. If you want more info on where you can receive services email me directly. Im no expert in medicine but I do know good people when I talk to them. I dont like to feel like a number to my doctor. I want a relationship with someone I can trust wont judge me. Ill come back on tomorrow and let everyone know how it went.