As I look back at the girls that I’ve been through I know I wouldn’t be me today without some dings to my record.
Now all of the girls I’ve dated weren’t a mess but shit doesn’t always work out.
The last year I’ve seen so much growth within myself. I’ve also grown to be much colder after all the failed relationships that I’ve had.
I make sure to be as clear as I can with the things that I want and expect. Even if it hurts. Today I was thinking about every relationship I’ve been in with women up until now.
When I was 16 I got my first girl. Lets just call her J. All my male friends would always mention about how fat her ass was. Anyway my sex drive was high back then and we would get it on a lot. It was probably hormones or what not but I would say at least three a week we were up under them sheets. I believe we were highly compatible. Being both young at the time, shit fell apart. She went away to school and I continued on my journey.
I had a couple of flings with chicks in between here but nothing memorable.
The next girl R I was with for almost 6 years. I remember fucking her the first time I invited her over. In hindsight now I know that was her plan all along. She had asked to see my room and had me lotion her up before the action started. Women put out signals for you to make your move. I now pay attention to the signs.
Our relationship was lit as fuck. We had some ups and downs like many couples but I thought one day I’d marry her. We shared many of the same goals of entrepreneurship, music and fitness. She just realized she couldn’t deal with me transitioning from female to male.
Everyone has their preferences so I don’t hate her for that. I disliked the fact that she said to me “I want to be with a REAL man.” That shit hurt and devastated me. Karma got back at her though. As the person I am today I’d tell her to go fuck herself. I know it’s not right but I would have.
The next girl L lived out of state. At first I was unsure of how it would work but we dated for about a year. I can hardly remember some of the things we did.
I do remember her pussy being the wettest I’ve ever had at the time. She was also a scorpio and our love language was similar in terms of physical so we got it on whenever we saw each other. It just wasn’t meant to last.
Now the next ex I wish I could take back. Her name was F.
Boy! Oh Boy! That was a rollercoaster.
We had some amazing times. I explored my sexuality a lot with her as well taking some of my sex adventures outside to supermarkets and the sides of roads.
Our attitudes just didn’t match. Plus with her being a lunatic and all I’m happy it ended. Her anger and pain was just too much to handle as a burden for myself. I couldn’t save her.
I learned late that some people just want to stay hurt. They want to feel pain. They don’t want to dig themselves out of the hole they are in so its best to just let them do what they do. I’ll keep doing what I do.
Now in 2021 I’m with new girl A. I would say that after being through everything with everyone now I’m a trouble maker.
She’s a great girlfriend but it’s super hard to trust her. Not only l have I taken the red pill, my heart is frozen solid.
We also have issues with our sex drives not being compatible. It can be very hard sometimes to deal with. I’ve thought about cheating and just plain walking away from her for this.
Sex has also gotten me into a lot of trouble so I’ve been practicing as of late controlling my sex drive. I do want to try and make our relationship work so I compromise. Sometimes I wonder how long I can keep this up. Then I think to myself…
Take everything a day at a time…
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