New Inspiration…

I went to the doctor’s office with my wifey for the second time. While sitting and waiting for two hours to be seen we were watching Judge Alex and Judge Joe Brown. I was seeing the cases that we were watching and wifey and I have come to the conclusion that people have no reason to go on these shows but to just spread their business to the world. Why would you want to publicly embarrass yourself on national television? The cases that were televised were nothing short of embarrassing to parties on the show.

Anyway the blood test I took in December came back negative for anything. I am still having my period so I was able to have my dose increased from .25 to .5 finally!!! I have also for the moment quit smoking weed and have tried to limit the amount of second hand smoke that I am around to let my lungs finally get some fresh air. I am feeling more and more proud of myself by the day as I make changes to myself to benefit me in the future. I want to be able to pursue my top surgery in the summer and I feel I will heal better being smoke free. I also had my knee checked out as it popped out of place a couple weeks back (Long story!!!). It is also fine which I am happy about so I wont be held back from unit 9 any longer. I am waiting though for my testosterone to get here. My clinic has a connection to Stroheckers Pharmacy in Oregon where it is 60.00 for a 10ml vial. Shipping is included in that price. My damn debit card is acting like a fool but I think it must have worked since they did not call me back. Anyway while at the clinic I spoke with Cris from CK Life and heard some great news for the future. I have also some more great news for myself. As I join my moms insurance next month through her insurance I will be able to have my top and bottom surgery covered!!! I am so excited to the fact that I may not pay a dime for these surgeries. I plan on having my top surgery this year during my vacation but we shall see what happens.If I do not hit my target weight by then I might extend my time to a little later in the year. Maybe the winter break will suffice. We shall see where life takes me.

I need some where to vent I feel like crying my eyes out as something fell on my wifeys eye and even though I am breathing a huge sigh of relief I feel responsible for this happening and I am just thanking the universe for sparing her eyesight. I cherish this girl and I hope to one day take the next step with her. I love her and I will not take her for granted. Well I am off to live my life and hug and kiss my wifey all day long.

TJ

Money Making Moves…

I have been unemployed for a while and in my search for financial wealth and prosperity I have stumbled upon a bunch of websites that pay you for your opinion. I have learned the power of my words and have been making quite a bit of money on these sites. If you are looking for a link click on these links below and give it a go. I will add more over time as I find them. I will get no where being greedy. Just sharing the wealth.

 

http://www.fusioncash.net/?ref=suites1030

http://www.sendearnings.com/?r=ref3313516

http://www.cashcrate.com/3439242

 

 

 

One of those moments…..

It is a point in time when everything you thought you knew or had in your control is leaving. When you enter into a place of the unknown where you are at life’s mercy. I want to be happy ,do cartwheels, throw a fist into the air. On the other hand I want to cry, curl up into a ball, run into my mom or wifeys arms and be held like a little boy. I feel so much like my childhood is ending and the feeling is oh so bittersweet.

I actually wrote that last paragraph when I thought I was leaving in a mere 4 days for my job program. I am going to be leaving for unit 9 in a couple more weeks now as I had the time extended to handle my health and financial issues before I am thrown to the wolves. My mom has offered to help me with such endeavors I guess to make the process as smooth as possible for me. I am so blessed and cursed to have the mom that I have but I guess I could not have asked for any better. She has given me what she could and I appreciate everything that I have been given and obtained from her. I feel I will miss this life when I am gone but I must continue to move forward and live through this life the best I can for me and my future family.

Heterosexual Privilege

I have been kind of baffled about this idea for while. Now I am not talking about the privilege of a man and a woman holding hands in the street, I am talking about my girlfriend who seems to be more open with her sexuality when it comes to having sex with a man. I have always wanted to get it on and have some crazy sex escapades with my wifey but it seems if I was a guy she would want to do more things with me then me now as a female. It does not seem fair in my book but what can I do or say? My penis will seem to have more privilege than  my vagina but that is fine because it is soon coming. I was watching Friends on tv with my wifey and another instance of this heterosexual privilege is my wifey telling me she may have sex with me in the bushes if I had a penis. I mean wow. To me this is very mind boggling. I cannot complain I guess because all this may come my way anyway. My penis in a sense will set me free.

Not sure about anything…

I actually tried to write this post before but it got deleted so it will probably be different then the original post because I do not remember what I wrote. Anyway I have been thinking on all the options on bottom surgery for female to male transsexuals and I have come to this very stale conclusion: I have no clue what I really want to get in general right now with this surgery. I want some kind of idea so I can put my thoughts and time into the type of surgery I want. I have made a list of wants, needs and negotiable things that I feel I want from this surgery and somehow it leads me to nowhere. I still do not feel satisfied with what is offered to me at this time. I want an adult sized penis which I can penetrate a vagina with but with natural male erections. I would like it if I did not need to have an erectile device or even a skin graft because it can leave scars or even deformities to the area where the graft is taking from and I am a bit scared. I have never wanted to go under the knife in my life but it seems inevitable being a transman. There are sacrifices I am going to have to make I know of this to already but the question is am I man enough to handle this? I do not know right now what is going to happen to me in the coming months but I hope they are positive.

I love my girlfriend. This very strong female that the universe has blessed me with is amazing. We know we have work to do. Our relationship is not perfect but I hope to one day make all of her sacrifices, bumps and bruises all worth it in the end by expressing nothing but unconditional love for her and everything that made her who she is. I have to treat this woman like the queen that she already is in my eyes. I hope to one day marry this girl. I hope I do not mess this up. Well I am off to continue on my journey of life. Ill be back

 

TJ

2012…Year of Tough Love

I can say for a fact that since this year has started it has already been eye opening for me to say the least. I didn’t come up with this title for no reason. My new year started around my birthday where I have cut off a lot of the old ties that I had to the past. When I started to realize my summers were becoming a blur in my head, it got to me. I could not tell the difference as all my summers started to seem like a time warp. The only things that could be deciphered from them that was different was the negative addictions that were added to the already hostile group of people. The drama never seemed to end as there was only a quiet lull in between all of them. I was almost certain every year when the drama would arise and now that I look at it none of that was ever good for me in any way. It just taught me to be very picky in who I choose to call “friend or family”. The family that I thought I had left me in the desert by myself to die so to speak. It is like all the things I have done for people in my life just did not matter to them. After finally seeing the light I have decided to move forward and take with me the people who have been there for me through it all.

Anyway some weird stuff has happened to me. I
believe I have visited another dimension. I saw my dad and he seemed to be okay. He told me I was the spitting image of my mother and he called me beautiful. I did not realize till later that I hate being called beautiful as this does not associate with men but it was my dad for crying out loud!!! I could not be mad. Back here in this dimension my wifey tells me that I was here but not here. My other self from that world was here talking to her. They told her of the other world and how things were for her when different decisions were made in both our lives. There I never knew of ACQC, CAP or Van Buren. I was kinda creeped out at first about what had gone on but I mean the universe obviously has a plan for me and not the other way around. I am not sure how or why this has happened to me but I am going to just take every thing as a blessing to me and my life.

In terms of my transition I have been off of T for a couple weeks now. I am kicking myself about it but I will be patient. When I go back to the doctor next week I will be going to order my big vial of T for the first time. This should last me awhile as I leave for Unit 9 soon. (This is code and an insider for me and wifey only) Even off the T I have noticed that my hair is growing in on my face. My gf noticed I have light hairs mixed with dark ones all over my face and I have decided before Unit 9 to start to get shape ups again and get these sideburns in check. My penis feels very nice when it is stimulated. I am loving the growth I have currently but I would like more so I can penetrate. Eventually things will happen for me. If not then it was not meant to be.

Subconscious

I am freaked out, turned on, and curious at the same time. Well this morning I woke up to feeling up my girlfriend. I did not realize what was happening till I fully woke up to basically having dry sex with her. I could have sworn I was dreaming and that is what kinda creeps me out as I have no recollection to what I dreamed about. I heard moaning and encouragement while I was still half asleep to continue to touch her. She also recalls dreaming about sex as well at the same time and I guess I was in a dreamlike state and drawn to her as she was sending me subconscious signals and we had soul sex. I mean I dont know I am just rambling on but I need to get this out my system. I know for a fact that my girlfriend in my eyes is very sexy and I get turned on by no one else but her. She has the ability to get my dick hard by just giving me the eye and I enjoy it. She does have some control of me and my very high libido but not total. I love her and this is why I guess its okay. I am indeed craving some real intimacy but I guess that will happen in time.Anyway in terms of my transition I have seen a little growth in my penis. I know I will see more results when I finally get my pump. I have a feeling im going to have a nice sized penis in time. I am in no rush to create perfection for myself.I am looking to get my surgery done by Dr. Miro either way if I get a meta or an mld phallo since he does both of these procedures. I will go to miro if I can save some money to go because im not sure if he is covered by insurance seeing as he is not an American surgeon. I hope to be leaving for school soon so I can go on with my life and my transition.

I am becoming a hairy wolf as well. My gf tells me about my hairy back all the time. It has started to get to me a bit because I didnt want to be to hairy but im taking it as it comes. Another thing I wanted to point out was my change in orgasm. I have felt like I was floating off the ground as my orgasm was very intense and much stronger then before especially if I have one in the first few days of my shot. I hope to be able to keep this capability after I get my surgery. My decision has changed a bit as I am thinking about get a meta first just to see how much I can get out of my own penis before I start grafting any skin from my body. Its just an idea to maybe put less stress on my body and to see if I can handle just having that in the beginning. We shall see where life takes me. I am not sure what surgeon I would go to but I will find out soon.